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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 23

I was trying to ketchup on the latest saucy adventure of Sgt. Singer Of the Mounted.

There had been a little spice added with a new character named Paprika, who was a dancer at Stu Lash’s Thawsom House.

She had just seen Singer in his civvies and said: “Suits a Lords! Wheres your fancy union zoot, me capitan?”, when Helen Wheels, my preceptionist, rolled through the door.

She had with her, Ima Bord, wife of Limberjack Bord, owner and operator of Bord Feet Shoes.

Pulp Friction

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 16

I knew I needed a tracker and Barley jumped at the dance.

I’d read his book, “Never Cry Nymph—-My Years As A Wolf Running With Wild’s Women”, so I had some idea of what we were in for.

We equipped ourselves with catchy phrases at Fallon “The Cheep Outdoorsman” Quarterpain’s Outfitter And Tiki Lounge.

Barley said we would have to “creep by day and travel by light”.

On The Load Again

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 13

A few days went by.

The Grizzly Park Zoo acquired a bear rabbit named Remus.

Work started on the Muslin Musk, Shah Harry Zod is building in Salami Bay.

Judge Rocky Gravel, who replaced the late Judge Lynch, has instituted a new “Bye Law”, where outmoded illegalities get dropped.

Now it is no longer a crime to spit on your neighbour’s lawn.

Wotsit Mean began to improve, though still calling himself Walt Nutt and pinning for the woods, he started to have moments where he recognized Lena (though as a wife, he refers to her as “one of the  many”) and his children who he called his “seedlings”.

He started talking about pulling up roots and branching off in new directions.

Bunny Behind Bars

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 11

Randy Jim was in trouble with Jill Fever, owner of the Iceflow.

As usual he claimed complete innocence.

“All I did Peaeye”, my granddad said “was to notice that Miss Hunter, the weekend nurse Miss Wiggle’s replacement, had caught her skirt on a nail, so I just sat back and let her rip!

The accusation that a hammer was found in my possession, is just plain tacky!

Look my boy, a fellow has to do something salty or he’d go crackers in a place like this.

Half the droolers staying here are born agains, just waiting for the Rupture.”

Incident At The Iceflow

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 10

It was visiting day at the Iceflow Care Home.

When I got there, my randy granddad and his partner in grime, Old Coot, where busy trying to out lie each other with tales of their rheumatic past.

“I did a bed-a-fit”, my granddad was saying “for a brothel on Mount See All Isle, that was down on its pluck.

I was bedridden by a young filly in jockey shorts for two weak-to-go-on.”

Old Coot started talking about a can-can dancer named Wanda that he legged it with because she kneed to escape some arch villain who knew she had his fortune in tow.

“Wanda”, said Old Coot “could really raise her rumpus.

Her bra was 3-D.

After she went her separate way, I traveled all over the country looking for her.

I never lost my Wanda lust.”

Racy Memories

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 9

Lee Z. and I decided to bring the dogs back together.

When I got off the Blue Ferry, there was Hut Meg selling spices from her cart.

There must have been something familiar about her hot peppers, because without warning the Hellhound broke flee and started licking her face.

Meg took to scratching his ribs until they were both giggling.

Which is how Hut Meg got Tickles, the giant dog that hauls her cart to the dock and home every day.

Hut Meg And Tickles

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 8

It  wasn’t long after sundown, when we saw those eyes ablaze and the guided muzzle on fire like it had just come from the Pits Of Nell.

Puddle Paws stood her ground.

That demon dog stopped so hard on a dime. he left nine cents change.

After those hounds had their howl and the demon’s smoke had gone out, that drooling fool polished off his bucket of chow, then rolled over on his back and waited for someone to come scratch his belly.

Docile As A Yuppy

 

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