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Tag Archives: Satire

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 21, MARCH 12 CONTINUED

I left Lee Z, Jitters and Smokey Banter at the store and headed for Snippet’s Barber Shoppe.

I figured I owed myself another close shave.

The sign outside reads: “Snippet’s, The Barber Of Civil, Shave And A Haircut 10 Cents”

Frank Snippet had once been Follyhood’s “Barber To The Stars”, before he lost his leg in a freak accident at a carnival sideshow.

After that, he moved to Sea Czar City and set up his chair at the Harbour House Hotel.

The shop walls are lined with photos of Frank with base ballplayers and movie greats like Homefree Bowcart, Eden Gardner and Tommy Gunn Boyle.

Frank was the guy who came up with the slick idea to shave Fuel Burner”s head.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the famous director, Coursen Tells, already in the chair

michaellewis

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 4 MARCH 5 CONTINUED

Donny had been a near child when he and his sister, Shelay Lee with the club foot, had to move in with their Uncle Foggy.

Foggy inherited his dead sister-in-law’s titles, so lorded it over the children.

Foggy kept them in his work house in Smother Goose Landing’s Old London Town.

Foggy was a wastrel and soon lost his title to Waters, author of “A Night To Dismember…The Sinking Of The Satanic”, in a floating crap game.

The Fortune was slowly poured away on women, whiskey and bad businesses.

Foggy bought into both Jack Beanstalk’s Seedy Company and Gladys Gorgon’s Reptile Ranch, where he hoped to find Al Kemmy’s Philosopher’s Bone.

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 20

“You know what happens, friend Packet, when you spend too much time among these forest spirits?”

It was Walt Witchman untying my ropes.

“You become the blue rate special?”, I asked

“No, no, you Gauguin become a painter or poet in x-file.

I, myself am working on an epic I’ll call, ‘The Sleeves Of Crass’ and painting a series of seens in the Wilds.

Tell my family I’ve become a victim of the moon and sick sense, but I am a warehouseman no more!”

A Paul On Artists

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 19

When I came around, the first thing I saw was Barley, duck-naked, flapping around the fire with as savage a brood of femaleus nakedus as I had ever seen on the covers of “Men’s Friction Magazine”.

The women were throwing boxes of papers on the blaze.

The boxes were marked “Haul Street”, so I figured I was witnessing one of the Wild’s famous bond fires.

It was at that moment, I realized I was bound to watch and started to feel like a mean course.

Bond Fire

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 16

I knew I needed a tracker and Barley jumped at the dance.

I’d read his book, “Never Cry Nymph—-My Years As A Wolf Running With Wild’s Women”, so I had some idea of what we were in for.

We equipped ourselves with catchy phrases at Fallon “The Cheep Outdoorsman” Quarterpain’s Outfitter And Tiki Lounge.

Barley said we would have to “creep by day and travel by light”.

On The Load Again

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 14

Two nights later, Wotsit Mean wandered out of the Abandon Hope and wasn’t to be seen sense.

Nobull Savage was picked up for questioning as he seemed to be the last person to see Wotsit.

Nobull said he gave Wotsit a ride  and spent the light talking with him.

He said he gave Wotsit a Hideawhy name: Walt Witchman.

Nobull said Wotsit is a very Thoreau guy.

He claims he let Walt Witchman out in the Wilds.

Back On The Road

 

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