RSS

Tag Archives: Satire

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 34

Jacqueline Lantern, of Booklegger’s Books , does a book hub on Sundays.

This week it was “Return To Knotty Pine”, by the notorious Joyce Bitts.

Knotty Pine is, of course, the pseudolimb of the former village of White-On-Rice, now Coupling-On-The-Sly on Basketune Island.

The meeting was advertised as “A sleek peek at the underbelly of a hot bed of high heels”.

Perfect fonder, I figured, for a tattle hustler, so I invited myself along.

“How nice to have a booster in the den house”, Jacqueline laughed when I arrived.

Netty Trawler was there,the Widow Sider, Pie Annie Eels, Miss Laid, the librarian, and Miss Prim, the school teacher.

“P.I.,meet our other newcomers”, Jacqueline said, indicating two ladies I had somehow not seen.

“This is Mellon Teller, and her companion, Miss Chance”.

Teller was a sight for sore lies, bent nearly double under a hunch and walking with a red cane because of her blind beggar eyes.

Well she might of been blind, but more likely the kind that shaded the sidewalks of Coupling-On-The-Sly.

Right off the chat, she told us Grope Captain Fondle was a cover for Lord Bonkers whose spoiled son appeared as Mold Fondle.

Constant Deflower was in reality, Widow Maidenhood, while Lorelei and Creepy Shacks were Sudden Tracks and her angry daddy, Cross.

michaellewisart

NEWCOMERS AT THE BOOK HUB

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 27

Bendar Dundat, regression therapist and arch conservative, was found conserving arches from all over Sea Czar City in his debasement.

It was his seat that was sat on by Nobull Savage, Meadow Racetrack owner and head of the Cree Tan Tobacco Company.

Janitor, Ulysses Broom, turned out to be a closet 8er and not, when confronted, the least bit sweepish about it.

Secondhand Stan, the shop keeper, got Broom’s seat, after the brush off.

Oliver Fine, former owner of Fine’s Kettle Of Fish, got B.B. Wolf, the banker’s, goat.

Bertha DeBlooz finally ousted the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant over religious prosecution.

Bombay Sinj, the fire chief, was still hot with the voters.

Dr. Spot was Johnny on.

Dick Swab cleaned up.

Usher Falls stayed upright.

Gangster yes man, Hammond “Notting Ham” Rye lost his sheriff’s badge to Doghouse Brown”s brother, E. Vic Brown.

Mayor Major Miner somehow came back for a fourth term.

His son, “Figgy” Newton Miner, ran his father’s complain on his platform of closing Baba Alley, if only someone can find it.

“Baba Alley, you ever been there?” Lee Z. asked.

michaellewisart

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS

 

Tags: , , , , ,

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 25

There will be the usual sack race for the recently fired.

The crowning of Miss Main Squeeze at the Juice Right Pageant.

Boris, the vulgar boatman, will again take on both Cuss Plucker, the Blunder Busman and the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant in the mule  cussing contest.

(Last year the air was so blue, they had to call it a draw when the animals fainted from embarrassment.)

Bango the Balloon Clown, is running the bomb toss.

Ranger Roy is giving demonstrations on the dangers of the pool sharks known as Chaws,  little nippers who go after the toes of of both municipal and backyard swimmers.

Easy Perkins is bringing his champion turkey, Peach Gobbler, his prize winning hen, Coopsa Daisy, and his ash ram, Sooty, to the Life Shock Show.

Colonel Corny Cobb Web’s Coochie-Coo Tent will premiere ZaZa LaPlume, the fan dancer’s new act where instead of just feathers, she uses the whole bird and bills herself LaPlume the Flamingo Dancer.

michaellewisart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 24

As Confusion, our ornamental philosopher says: “Time is a funny thing, but its no laughing matter”.

It’s Fall Back Time again and the True Eds were up all night rearranging the Stone Hinge.

My granddad turns 148 and Albrite Winestein, the Grapes Of Math professor, says that outside the Bikini Triangle, old Randy Jim would have been dead twice over.

Winestein has a theory about relatives, the fact our seasons run backwards and how time goes quickly when your young but slows down the older you get.

The Fair To Midland is in Fall swing.

This year Lady Vain, the vegetarian vampire, will be manning the Hissing Booth.

Frankie Rummoli is back with his Used Gamble Lot.

Jackie Odds is running the Carousel Races.

Simon Sample, the pieman from Smother Goose Landing, is bringing the In Your Face edibles.

Doghouse Brown is barking the Snide Show.

Miss Prim has allowed her on-ice caveman boyfriend, Og, to stubble up again as Pop Sickle and enter the Rastling Ring against last year’s chump, Twotired Housecart.

michaellewisart

MIDWAY DOWN THE SNIDE SHOW

 

 

Tags: , , , , ,

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 17

Hitch Ike kept mumbling about his delirious treatments and the fear that the Plod People were after him.

We pulled into an oddly quite Motalk Gas Station on the way back to Sea Czar City.

It was then I noticed a blank eyed character staggering through the breaking glass of the station’s door.

He was drinking from a sick pack of motor oil.

“That’s Gaffer, one of my crew!”, Hitch yelled.

“I told you they were near.

Drive like a gnat out of Nell!

They’re here! They’re hear!”

michaellewisart

GASSED UP

 

Tags: , , , ,

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 21, MARCH 12 CONTINUED

I left Lee Z, Jitters and Smokey Banter at the store and headed for Snippet’s Barber Shoppe.

I figured I owed myself another close shave.

The sign outside reads: “Snippet’s, The Barber Of Civil, Shave And A Haircut 10 Cents”

Frank Snippet had once been Follyhood’s “Barber To The Stars”, before he lost his leg in a freak accident at a carnival sideshow.

After that, he moved to Sea Czar City and set up his chair at the Harbour House Hotel.

The shop walls are lined with photos of Frank with base ballplayers and movie greats like Homefree Bowcart, Eden Gardner and Tommy Gunn Boyle.

Frank was the guy who came up with the slick idea to shave Fuel Burner”s head.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the famous director, Coursen Tells, already in the chair

michaellewis

 

Tags: , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: