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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 17

Hitch Ike kept mumbling about his delirious treatments and the fear that the Plod People were after him.

We pulled into an oddly quite Motalk Gas Station on the way back to Sea Czar City.

It was then I noticed a blank eyed character staggering through the breaking glass of the station’s door.

He was drinking from a sick pack of motor oil.

“That’s Gaffer, one of my crew!”, Hitch yelled.

“I told you they were near.

Drive like a gnat out of Nell!

They’re here! They’re hear!”

michaellewisart

GASSED UP

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 8

“Messy Recourse Goes Into It’s Third Week!”, shouted the Bench Press headlines the next morning.

Then two days later it was: “Randy Jim Keeps Casa Nova”.

“‘And you can keep Hoover, the butler as well!” screamed former Mrs. Hatrack, now Justa Fortune Hunter, “but I’m taking the show fur.’

Now half owner of the half owned by former husband, Randal James Hatrack, of the Lying Lunchman’s Mind, Ms. Hunter has taken a spenthouse suite in Gelt Glowers.”

Ginny Fizz, my granddad’s former weakend nurse from the Iceflow Care Home has moved into Casa Nova with her dog, Dipsy Poodle. to look after him.

Marion Hood is a maid once again.

This morning I noticed a bottle of Niagara,”The Drink That Stops The Falls”, is back on  my granddad’s bedside table.

I still take he and Old Coot to the park but the James Boys aren’t the trouble they use to be.

No more stealing candy from babies while winking at their nurse maids.

Today Randy Jim said to me: “There’s no fire in the farts, my boy, my stomach can’t handle the spices.”

michaellewisart

AT HOME WITH HATRACK

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

michaellewisart

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 4 MARCH 5 CONTINUED

Donny had been a near child when he and his sister, Shelay Lee with the club foot, had to move in with their Uncle Foggy.

Foggy inherited his dead sister-in-law’s titles, so lorded it over the children.

Foggy kept them in his work house in Basketune’s New London Town.

Foggy was a wastrel and soon lost his title to Waters, author of “A Night To Dismember…The Sinking Of The Satanic”, in a floating crap game.

The Fortune was slowly poured away on women, whiskey and bad businesses.

Foggy bought into both Jack Beanstalk’s Seedy Company and Gladys Gorgon’s Reptile Ranch, where he hoped to find Al Kemmy’s Philosopher’s Bone.

IMG_5507                                                            CRYING UNCLE                                                                          

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY. PAGE 3

I was having my morning Java Laddie, two shots of expresso, one shot of Old Jack Horner, in the Harbour House Hotel Cafe because Banter’s News Stand And Cigars was closed for the Rembrandt’s Day holiday.

Even my office was closed.

Helen Wheels had the long weekend off.

She was visiting her folks at Ripe Pillage on Basketune Island.

I was presnoozing the Bench Press.

On the Sports sage, Benchmark Downs confirmed the roomers that Jules “The Locket” Richair had moved to town to take over as Hooky couch for the Sea Czar Togas .

“Message for Mr. Hatrack” interrupted my amusings.

I looked up to see the new bell boy crossing the lobby.

“Here Bob Buoy” I said.

Java Laddie And The Snooze

 

 

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Sea Czar City: From Here To Infirmary, Page 47

Back in Sea Czar City, things were their unusual selves.

The goose soup was that Cutless Kate has taken up with that well-endowed bandit, known as The Mast.

The Widow Sider tried to tip Kris Cross, the postman, for his special delivery and he letter.

Miss Laid, the librarian, told me that the Reverend Mr. Amos Rant is writing a book on the crucifixion so has been looking for cross reverences.

A hobo ran off with one of Mr. Gelt’s maids, which he is calling a vagrant disregard for the sanctity of the home.

Constable John told me that Doghouse Brown has a black eye and is back sleeping in the Lost And Pound with the strays because he had too much home-brew and confronted his wife because he thought he could still liquor.

And in the latest issue of Gothic City Comics, Purr  Puss and the French Friar try to make fast food out of Cawman and the Pigeon in “Cat Soup Runs Red”.

Gothic City Comics

 

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