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Tag Archives: Parody

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 34

Jacqueline Lantern, of Booklegger’s Books , does a book hub on Sundays.

This week it was “Return To Knotty Pine”, by the notorious Joyce Bitts.

Knotty Pine is, of course, the pseudolimb of the former village of White-On-Rice, now Coupling-On-The-Sly on Basketune Island.

The meeting was advertised as “A sleek peek at the underbelly of a hot bed of high heels”.

Perfect fonder, I figured, for a tattle hustler, so I invited myself along.

“How nice to have a booster in the den house”, Jacqueline laughed when I arrived.

Netty Trawler was there,the Widow Sider, Pie Annie Eels, Miss Laid, the librarian, and Miss Prim, the school teacher.

“P.I.,meet our other newcomers”, Jacqueline said, indicating two ladies I had somehow not seen.

“This is Mellon Teller, and her companion, Miss Chance”.

Teller was a sight for sore lies, bent nearly double under a hunch and walking with a red cane because of her blind beggar eyes.

Well she might of been blind, but more likely the kind that shaded the sidewalks of Coupling-On-The-Sly.

Right off the chat, she told us Grope Captain Fondle was a cover for Lord Bonkers whose spoiled son appeared as Mold Fondle.

Constant Deflower was in reality, Widow Maidenhood, while Lorelei and Creepy Shacks were Sudden Tracks and her angry daddy, Cross.

michaellewisart

NEWCOMERS AT THE BOOK HUB

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 25

There will be the usual sack race for the recently fired.

The crowning of Miss Main Squeeze at the Juice Right Pageant.

Boris, the vulgar boatman, will again take on both Cuss Plucker, the Blunder Busman and the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant in the mule  cussing contest.

(Last year the air was so blue, they had to call it a draw when the animals fainted from embarrassment.)

Bango the Balloon Clown, is running the bomb toss.

Ranger Roy is giving demonstrations on the dangers of the pool sharks known as Chaws,  little nippers who go after the toes of of both municipal and backyard swimmers.

Easy Perkins is bringing his champion turkey, Peach Gobbler, his prize winning hen, Coopsa Daisy, and his ash ram, Sooty, to the Life Shock Show.

Colonel Corny Cobb Web’s Coochie-Coo Tent will premiere ZaZa LaPlume, the fan dancer’s new act where instead of just feathers, she uses the whole bird and bills herself LaPlume the Flamingo Dancer.

michaellewisart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 24

As Confusion, our ornamental philosopher says: “Time is a funny thing, but its no laughing matter”.

It’s Fall Back Time again and the True Eds were up all night rearranging the Stone Hinge.

My granddad turns 148 and Albrite Winestein, the Grapes Of Math professor, says that outside the Bikini Triangle, old Randy Jim would have been dead twice over.

Winestein has a theory about relatives, the fact our seasons run backwards and how time goes quickly when your young but slows down the older you get.

The Fair To Midland is in Fall swing.

This year Lady Vain, the vegetarian vampire, will be manning the Hissing Booth.

Frankie Rummoli is back with his Used Gamble Lot.

Jackie Odds is running the Carousel Races.

Simon Sample, the pieman from Smother Goose Landing, is bringing the In Your Face edibles.

Doghouse Brown is barking the Snide Show.

Miss Prim has allowed her on-ice caveman boyfriend, Og, to stubble up again as Pop Sickle and enter the Rastling Ring against last year’s chump, Twotired Housecart.

michaellewisart

MIDWAY DOWN THE SNIDE SHOW

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 17

Hitch Ike kept mumbling about his delirious treatments and the fear that the Plod People were after him.

We pulled into an oddly quite Motalk Gas Station on the way back to Sea Czar City.

It was then I noticed a blank eyed character staggering through the breaking glass of the station’s door.

He was drinking from a sick pack of motor oil.

“That’s Gaffer, one of my crew!”, Hitch yelled.

“I told you they were near.

Drive like a gnat out of Nell!

They’re here! They’re hear!”

michaellewisart

GASSED UP

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 8

“Messy Recourse Goes Into It’s Third Week!”, shouted the Bench Press headlines the next morning.

Then two days later it was: “Randy Jim Keeps Casa Nova”.

“‘And you can keep Hoover, the butler as well!” screamed former Mrs. Hatrack, now Justa Fortune Hunter, “but I’m taking the show fur.’

Now half owner of the half owned by former husband, Randal James Hatrack, of the Lying Lunchman’s Mind, Ms. Hunter has taken a spenthouse suite in Gelt Glowers.”

Ginny Fizz, my granddad’s former weakend nurse from the Iceflow Care Home has moved into Casa Nova with her dog, Dipsy Poodle. to look after him.

Marion Hood is a maid once again.

This morning I noticed a bottle of Niagara,”The Drink That Stops The Falls”, is back on  my granddad’s bedside table.

I still take he and Old Coot to the park but the James Boys aren’t the trouble they use to be.

No more stealing candy from babies while winking at their nurse maids.

Today Randy Jim said to me: “There’s no fire in the farts, my boy, my stomach can’t handle the spices.”

michaellewisart

AT HOME WITH HATRACK

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

michaellewisart

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

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