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Tag Archives: Humour

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

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THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 3

I put “The Big Creep” down when she wafted through the door with enough waft to make a blindman’s nose throw off it’s crutches and smile.

Eve Angelica has a radio show, “Profane Readings Of Sacred Tex”, every sunny mourning right after “The Braising Hussey”.

Her main interest is Male In Money.

She needs enough to build her “For Squares Hostel”.

She has a gossip choir that could give chills to an iceman.

Last I heard she’d been kid-napped.

In fact she always seemed to be kidding about napping.

She claims the last four abductions she had to arrange herself.

In other words, she’s up for grabs.

So I was surprised when she told me she needed someone she could bank on to feel safe.

She needed someone she could walk with, hand in hand, yet still feel harms apart.

I was beginning to feel flattened.

michaellewisart

EVE ANGELICA

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 1

michaellewisart

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY

It was a damp mourning for a funeral, so I was glad I didn’t have one to go to.

Especially my own.

Sea Czar City can get like that in November.

The fog horning in off the harbour.

The gulls tricking the fish with their silence.

I wasn’t feeling young.

I wasn’t feeling anyone.

There was room for a toid in my bones.

Helen Wheels, my preceptionist, wasn’t in the office yet.

My only comfort was a carton of coffee from the Dump And Grind and a new Phillip Friday thriller.

The title was: “The Big Creep”.

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OFFICE HOUR

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 28, TUESDAY MARCH 14 CONTINUED

It was after midnoon by the time I got to the office.

There was no one there doing wait training so I sent Helen home.

I was eager to try my skills with the Morris Cod.

There was goose soup a plenty to slurp on Casebook.

Dick Swab of Swab’s Drugstore has developed a new laundry cleaner.

In honour of Lady McDoom. he named it “Out Jam Spot!”

Knut Berry’s Nature’s Call Box is now carrying Dr. Salt”s World Famous Garlic Seltzer.

He is also running specials on Unplagiarized Mastodon Milk, Willet Fly’s Levitation Mats, UFO phone cards, At Home Egg Aspirators, and all Organic Bowling Balls.

New to his book selection is “What To Do At The End Of the World” by Revelation X. “How to Apply Magic Directly To Open Wounds” by Kandu the Magician and Grinwitch”s “Talking to the Dead Without Paying Long Distant Charges”.

Oh yes and the Suffer Jets have booked the Idlevice Hall for their annual “Get A Gripe On”.

Nature's Call Box

Nature’s Call Box

 
 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 4 MARCH 5 CONTINUED

Donny had been a near child when he and his sister, Shelay Lee with the club foot, had to move in with their Uncle Foggy.

Foggy inherited his dead sister-in-law’s titles, so lorded it over the children.

Foggy kept them in his work house in Smother Goose Landing’s Old London Town.

Foggy was a wastrel and soon lost his title to Waters, author of “A Night To Dismember…The Sinking Of The Satanic”, in a floating crap game.

The Fortune was slowly poured away on women, whiskey and bad businesses.

Foggy bought into both Jack Beanstalk’s Seedy Company and Gladys Gorgon’s Reptile Ranch, where he hoped to find Al Kemmy’s Philosopher’s Bone.

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 24

Seems that flyboy, Limberjack, got a mid-life licence, bought a cherry red Libido from Harry Krishna’s Used Lemon Lot and drove off with a cheer lender to Port Wine.

Ima wanted her rusty rake returned to the fool shed.

Harry Krishna’s Used Lemon Lot

 

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