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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 34

Jacqueline Lantern, of Booklegger’s Books , does a book hub on Sundays.

This week it was “Return To Knotty Pine”, by the notorious Joyce Bitts.

Knotty Pine is, of course, the pseudolimb of the former village of White-On-Rice, now Coupling-On-The-Sly on Basketune Island.

The meeting was advertised as “A sleek peek at the underbelly of a hot bed of high heels”.

Perfect fonder, I figured, for a tattle hustler, so I invited myself along.

“How nice to have a booster in the den house”, Jacqueline laughed when I arrived.

Netty Trawler was there,the Widow Sider, Pie Annie Eels, Miss Laid, the librarian, and Miss Prim, the school teacher.

“P.I.,meet our other newcomers”, Jacqueline said, indicating two ladies I had somehow not seen.

“This is Mellon Teller, and her companion, Miss Chance”.

Teller was a sight for sore lies, bent nearly double under a hunch and walking with a red cane because of her blind beggar eyes.

Well she might of been blind, but more likely the kind that shaded the sidewalks of Coupling-On-The-Sly.

Right off the chat, she told us Grope Captain Fondle was a cover for Lord Bonkers whose spoiled son appeared as Mold Fondle.

Constant Deflower was in reality, Widow Maidenhood, while Lorelei and Creepy Shacks were Sudden Tracks and her angry daddy, Cross.

michaellewisart

NEWCOMERS AT THE BOOK HUB

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 27

Bendar Dundat, regression therapist and arch conservative, was found conserving arches from all over Sea Czar City in his debasement.

It was his seat that was sat on by Nobull Savage, Meadow Racetrack owner and head of the Cree Tan Tobacco Company.

Janitor, Ulysses Broom, turned out to be a closet 8er and not, when confronted, the least bit sweepish about it.

Secondhand Stan, the shop keeper, got Broom’s seat, after the brush off.

Oliver Fine, former owner of Fine’s Kettle Of Fish, got B.B. Wolf, the banker’s, goat.

Bertha DeBlooz finally ousted the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant over religious prosecution.

Bombay Sinj, the fire chief, was still hot with the voters.

Dr. Spot was Johnny on.

Dick Swab cleaned up.

Usher Falls stayed upright.

Gangster yes man, Hammond “Notting Ham” Rye lost his sheriff’s badge to Doghouse Brown”s brother, E. Vic Brown.

Mayor Major Miner somehow came back for a fourth term.

His son, “Figgy” Newton Miner, ran his father’s complain on his platform of closing Baba Alley, if only someone can find it.

“Baba Alley, you ever been there?” Lee Z. asked.

michaellewisart

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 26

I’d just got to the fair and was relishing a footlong with cat soup and army muster at the Hot Hog stand when I heard: “She was only a rope maker’s daughter but boy did she know how to tie one on”.

Lee Z. Gladstone ordered a ham burglar with all the trimmings, or as the menu calls it: “Cheese it, its the crops!”.

We grabbed a table and shot the goose soup over the recent election.

Despite the recount, due to the voters list containing names such as A. Non Amous and Suta Nimm, it looks like the outcome will stand.

It was Scoop DeJour’s article:, “Crumbs In The Cookie Jar, Whose Been Dipping Into The Public Funs?”, that sent everybody back to the ballad boxes to sing again.

The huge sandal that booted some of the council out the door involved phone bills to call girls, playoffs in hotel hobbies, 8ers in Haul Street pockets and contracts awarded to the highest bitter.

michaellewisart

HOT HOG STAND

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 25

There will be the usual sack race for the recently fired.

The crowning of Miss Main Squeeze at the Juice Right Pageant.

Boris, the vulgar boatman, will again take on both Cuss Plucker, the Blunder Busman and the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant in the mule  cussing contest.

(Last year the air was so blue, they had to call it a draw when the animals fainted from embarrassment.)

Bango the Balloon Clown, is running the bomb toss.

Ranger Roy is giving demonstrations on the dangers of the pool sharks known as Chaws,  little nippers who go after the toes of of both municipal and backyard swimmers.

Easy Perkins is bringing his champion turkey, Peach Gobbler, his prize winning hen, Coopsa Daisy, and his ash ram, Sooty, to the Life Shock Show.

Colonel Corny Cobb Web’s Coochie-Coo Tent will premiere ZaZa LaPlume, the fan dancer’s new act where instead of just feathers, she uses the whole bird and bills herself LaPlume the Flamingo Dancer.

michaellewisart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 24

As Confusion, our ornamental philosopher says: “Time is a funny thing, but its no laughing matter”.

It’s Fall Back Time again and the True Eds were up all night rearranging the Stone Hinge.

My granddad turns 148 and Albrite Winestein, the Grapes Of Math professor, says that outside the Bikini Triangle, old Randy Jim would have been dead twice over.

Winestein has a theory about relatives, the fact our seasons run backwards and how time goes quickly when your young but slows down the older you get.

The Fair To Midland is in Fall swing.

This year Lady Vain, the vegetarian vampire, will be manning the Hissing Booth.

Frankie Rummoli is back with his Used Gamble Lot.

Jackie Odds is running the Carousel Races.

Simon Sample, the pieman from Smother Goose Landing, is bringing the In Your Face edibles.

Doghouse Brown is barking the Snide Show.

Miss Prim has allowed her on-ice caveman boyfriend, Og, to stubble up again as Pop Sickle and enter the Rastling Ring against last year’s chump, Twotired Housecart.

michaellewisart

MIDWAY DOWN THE SNIDE SHOW

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL.7, PAGE 23

“Being a Scarlet Sister isn’t really the way it once was,” Bertha went yawn.

“The culture has become pasteurized and thats not a bad thing.

Little Red Heidi Wood tried to unionize the girls a couple years ago, telling them that laying down on the job was no road to self respect.

I’m ashamed I stood against her.

She left and became a radio star with the Brazing Hussey cooking show and is now the author of two books: ‘Frying In the Nude’ and ‘The Little Red Book Of Meow’.

Bon Bon is set to open her own candy store in Gelt Glowers.

Carlotta Park has become a lingerie model for Vague Magazine.

Barbie Q. is selling her own grill on tv.

Bunny Ears is raising chickens for Easy Pickins.

Voodoo Doll snagged a cloth merchant.

Buckin Brenda has gone into social work.

Piggy Leigh already has two hit  singles, ‘Hog Mild’ and ‘Larry In The Sty With Desmond’.

Chilli Pepper, our piano man, now tickles the ivories at Colonel Corny Cobb Webb’s Girlique.”

michaellewisart

CHANGE OF PACE

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 20

“Fact is”, Kay continued “I now own the Mall.

We’ve got The Big Box Store, ‘Your one stop shop for all your large box needs’, The Fabricator, ‘With more bolts than just out of the blue’, a Gape, a Loots, and a Barsucks.

I’m telling you this because to Omitt, nothing on Gulp Island should exist.

He blames it’s decanted ways for all his whines.

I fear he has already started blowing things up with the Electra Complex.

You must understand his actions do not represent Muslins.

We are a gentle people.

We worship cloth and bowling for Alley’s sake!”

“A Muslin situation”, I told her, “should be handled by the millinery.”

But Kay Sarong-Sarong said that could fabricate a war.

She’d heard about my involvement with the move against the 8ers by all the religious leaders and of my dealings with the Grime Lords at The New Troll Hotel in Smother Goose Landing, so she’d decided I was tailor made for the job.

michaelewisart

THE HANSWOOD MALL

 

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