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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

michaellewisart

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 3

I put “The Big Creep” down when she wafted through the door with enough waft to make a blindman’s nose throw off it’s crutches and smile.

Eve Angelica has a radio show, “Profane Readings Of Sacred Tex”, every sunny mourning right after “The Braising Hussey”.

Her main interest is Male In Money.

She needs enough to build her “For Squares Hostel”.

She has a gossip choir that could give chills to an iceman.

Last I heard she’d been kid-napped.

In fact she always seemed to be kidding about napping.

She claims the last four abductions she had to arrange herself.

In other words, she’s up for grabs.

So I was surprised when she told me she needed someone she could bank on to feel safe.

She needed someone she could walk with, hand in hand, yet still feel harms apart.

I was beginning to feel flattened.

michaellewisart

EVE ANGELICA

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 2

I  cracked open the paperback.

“Chapter 1, The Case Of The Salve A Door, Dolly.

When I walked through the revolting door of the Hotel Ballfour, I spied a couple punts playing catch in the lobby.

There was a maid giving French lessons to a show fur salesman by the lemonzine stand in the corner.

I figured my client, Stir Reel, was the old party staggering out of the bar with a fishy barracuda in a candy striper outfit on one arm and the phoney inventor, Macaroni, at his elbow.

I saddled up to my nurse-wild employer and snorted: ‘Its like the stockman said to the C.E.O., People know you by the company you keep.’

‘Mr. Friday?’, he asked.

‘Yes, Phillip Friday.’

‘The Gasman?’

‘Yes’ I belched.

Then I told him we should go.

‘Every lobby has chairs’ I said “but these chairs have more than their quota of bums.'”

michaellewisart

THE BIG CREEP

 

 

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DAIRES, PAGE 41, THURSDAY, MARCH 23

Two days later I returned to The Whipping Post but Horace had disappeared and the house was as empty as a promise.

This morning Constable John phoned to tell me Ginny had been picked up by the side of the river, having suffered a total bank-out.

I thought I’d pop the hood and see what rattled.

Sleave McLean, The Chintzanatty Kid said the word was the Foxs were seen in the hen house at Whipping just the night before and it was no joust.

Lox, Stock and Beryl Fox ran a salvage storage in Drasticville.

Looks like they may have wanted to do a little kit and boodle inventory but the question was why?

IMG_5898

LOCK, STOCK AND BERYL

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 21, MARCH 12 CONTINUED

I left Lee Z, Jitters and Smokey Banter at the store and headed for Snippet’s Barber Shoppe.

I figured I owed myself another close shave.

The sign outside reads: “Snippet’s, The Barber Of Civil, Shave And A Haircut 10 Cents”

Frank Snippet had once been Follyhood’s “Barber To The Stars”, before he lost his leg in a freak accident at a carnival sideshow.

After that, he moved to Sea Czar City and set up his chair at the Harbour House Hotel.

The shop walls are lined with photos of Frank with base ballplayers and movie greats like Homefree Bowcart, Eden Gardner and Tommy Gunn Boyle.

Frank was the guy who came up with the slick idea to shave Fuel Burner”s head.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the famous director, Coursen Tells, already in the chair

michaellewis

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 20

“You know what happens, friend Packet, when you spend too much time among these forest spirits?”

It was Walt Witchman untying my ropes.

“You become the blue rate special?”, I asked

“No, no, you Gauguin become a painter or poet in x-file.

I, myself am working on an epic I’ll call, ‘The Sleeves Of Crass’ and painting a series of seens in the Wilds.

Tell my family I’ve become a victim of the moon and sick sense, but I am a warehouseman no more!”

A Paul On Artists

 
 

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Page 39

When I called Jill at the iceflow Care Home, she told me my granddad had a see-Nile moment. He thought he was a POW in Egypt, stole Constable John Frame’s motorcycle, jumped the fence at the home and was last seen headed towards Bertha DeBlooz’s Tomato Patch, our local house of thrill reboot.

The Great Escape

 

 

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