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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

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THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

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ON THE TOWN

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 4

I told her that I don’t carry a gun.

She said: “Exactly!”

I told her to be her bodyguard was going to cost her.

But if she crossed my palm, I’d be her date.

……………………………………………………………………………….

When Helen Wheels arrived at work, I told her to pay Usher Falls the rent, work on the prison break files, and in the nail file, put the office clippings, catch up on our index of  hot dog stands, and phone Bob Buoy, the Harbour House bellhop and ask him to feed Kipper, my fish.

Also to pack my wrecksack, looks like I could be gone awhile.

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DRINKING LIKE A FISH

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 3

I put “The Big Creep” down when she wafted through the door with enough waft to make a blindman’s nose throw off it’s crutches and smile.

Eve Angelica has a radio show, “Profane Readings Of Sacred Tex”, every sunny mourning right after “The Braising Hussey”.

Her main interest is Male In Money.

She needs enough to build her “For Squares Hostel”.

She has a gossip choir that could give chills to an iceman.

Last I heard she’d been kid-napped.

In fact she always seemed to be kidding about napping.

She claims the last four abductions she had to arrange herself.

In other words, she’s up for grabs.

So I was surprised when she told me she needed someone she could bank on to feel safe.

She needed someone she could walk with, hand in hand, yet still feel harms apart.

I was beginning to feel flattened.

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EVE ANGELICA

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 2

I  cracked open the paperback.

“Chapter 1, The Case Of The Salve A Door, Dolly.

When I walked through the revolting door of the Hotel Ballfour, I spied a couple punts playing catch in the lobby.

There was a maid giving French lessons to a show fur salesman by the lemonzine stand in the corner.

I figured my client, Stir Reel, was the old party staggering out of the bar with a fishy barracuda in a candy striper outfit on one arm and the phoney inventor, Macaroni, at his elbow.

I saddled up to my nurse-wild employer and snorted: ‘Its like the stockman said to the C.E.O., People know you by the company you keep.’

‘Mr. Friday?’, he asked.

‘Yes, Phillip Friday.’

‘The Gasman?’

‘Yes’ I belched.

Then I told him we should go.

‘Every lobby has chairs’ I said “but these chairs have more than their quota of bums.'”

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THE BIG CREEP

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 1

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY

It was a damp mourning for a funeral, so I was glad I didn’t have one to go to.

Especially my own.

Sea Czar City can get like that in November.

The fog horning in off the harbour.

The gulls tricking the fish with their silence.

I wasn’t feeling young.

I wasn’t feeling anyone.

There was room for a toid in my bones.

Helen Wheels, my preceptionist, wasn’t in the office yet.

My only comfort was a carton of coffee from the Dump And Grind and a new Phillip Friday thriller.

The title was: “The Big Creep”.

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OFFICE HOUR

 

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ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 40

After words, I took Helen for lunch to Fine’s Kettle Of Fish.

Joey Pratt Falls brought us two bowls of McGuffin Red Herring soup, then Helen said: “Boss, so No Bull Savage claimed his people haven’t any boarders which is how he could send those bunch of Nasty Partiers off island….”

“Yes.”

“So if the Hidawhy can come and go as they tease, does that have some clue as to how you and the German Shepherd, Fritz, got to Cuba several years ago?

Do you have some kind of a deal with the Hidawhy that gives you a pass?”

“Now Helen”, I said “that would be telling.”

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FISHING FOR ANSWERS

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And be sure to rush to the Nudestand for the next scandalous episode in the ongoing Shaggy Saga Of Sea Czar City.

In volume 7, Eve Angelica appeals (very much) to P.I. Hatrack to be her haughty guard.

You’ll be on hand and feet for Randy Jim’s divorce.

You’ll journey to the forgotten land of Amnesia and see the legend dairy of Moo, meet the Sacred Cow and its High Milkmaid, Meena, barely escape the attack of the Plod People and be home in time for an early election.

You’ll see John St. John, Gulp Island’s only illegal alien, and the nine wives of Omitt Cayenne.

You’ll fall under the spell of Baba Alley and go to The Fair To Midland and finally learn the secret of the German Shepherd Affair.

All this and so much less.

 

Remember kids,Gothic Comics still has back issues of “Cargo Cal And The Pilots” (featuring the return of Cal’s arch nemesis, Ape Lincoln) and “Army Aunts” (who go feeler to feeler with the Corkroaches of Wineland).

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Just send a request for the issues you want to Sleet And Hale Publications, Sea Czar City, Gulp Island, Bikini Triangle, Somewhere In The Specific Ocean.

 

 

 

 
 
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