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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 39

“Hey Packit”, my cousin, Tacky Bob Dotes of Tacky Dotes, The (We’re Always On The Move) Stationary Store, yelled  as he bounced through the door.

“Lee Z. pin you to the bowling team we’re forming?

So far its Gladstone and Dotes and Fred A. Dare of ‘Dare Essentials.

I think I got Jim Crack of ‘The Trick and Joke Shop’ interested.

Want to join?

I wanted to call the team: ‘The Alley Cats” but since Patty O’Tello’s Cheezy Eats is sponsoring us, we settled on ‘The Cheezy Cheats’.

You ought to see our shirts.

Wedsday evening, bowl a few. drink some Schmaltzes, and catch the late show at Colonel Corny Cobb Webb’s Girlique.

Except for poor old married Gladstone here, nailed to the boss.”

“Well, I’ll think on it”, I said, trying to leave before the tear in Gladstone’s eye reached the boiling point.

“Off to the office, Packit?” Tacky asked.

“Tell that little cooker, Helen Wheels, she’s sorry she missed me.”

“She’s getting better with her aim, she wont next time.”

“What a kidder…need any erasers for all your mistakes?

Remember, ‘Tacky Keeps The Office From Going Wacky’.”

michaellewisart

TACKY DOTES

 

 

 

 
 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 38

Two days later in Banters, Mr. She-was-only-a-bagmaker’s-daughter-but-she-sure-was-great-in-the-sack, Lee Z. Gladstone was saying: “Let me get this puzzle straight, Jigsaw.

A Kim wants you to find her Dale and when you do, some carny blackjacks you with a bag of geegaws and yes in D.D., you think, the corpus delectable at your feet is one Delores Dreamfield .

At first.

But then a scar is born and you recognize which twin had the phoney..

The Tattler, nee Flaw, nee Chance, nee Katz, nee Bow led you to lead her sister to her where she could makeup and be thought dead.

What I don’t understand is how did you know she was hiding in the Storm Seller of the Watchful Observatory?”

“Just got wind of it “, I answered.

“Actually it was the essence of Slush Fun, a perfume sold only at the weather counter of the Storm Seller.”

“Well”, said Lee Z., “I guess you nose what your doing.

Hey did you hear Aladin Deep bought Eel’s Electric from Pie Annie?

No more ‘Bread And Circuits’.

He’s turned part of Eel’s into a lamp store, calling it ‘The Trilight Zone’.

The place has a sales clerk named Jinni, whose smoking hot and acts like she’d grant your every wish.”

michaellewisart

TRILIGHT ZONE

 
 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 37

It must have been my puritan interest that made this pilgrim flip the corpse so it could turn the other cheek.

It wasn’t Kim’s light that had been blown out but Tattle Dale’s.

At that moment Max Tracker and his bulldog Drummond came through the door.

Being booked was a novel experience.

I got the full heatment under the sunlamp, inky fingers, nice photo , number and all.

Dale was quite the looker, so my lawyer, Siren Chase, got me released on a Babeus Corpus.

But something was bothering me about that scar.

Kim had given me the breeze so I wet my finger to follow.

I headed for the Storm Seller in the basement of the Watchful Observatory.

The girl behind the Windy name tag, heavy glasses and lie job, dropped her jaw just in time for me to pick it up.

“Figured I’d have a longer lease in the crowbar hotel, Sweet Tart?” I asked.

“Ah, Mr. Hatrack”, she said as she planted a pucker to make me quince, “marry me, a hushband can’t be made to testify against his wife.”

“Sister, your good, real good, but I won’t turn you kin,

Your too dangerous, relatively speaking.”

michaellewisart

GLOBAL WARNING

 

 

 
 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY,VOL. 7, PAGE 36

Thats why Twosday I was whining at the dinning of Coursen Fells in Patty’s Cheezy Eats.

He knew Miss Flaw alright.

“She gifted me with a chest full of her topless calendars”, Coursen said, “and I taught her to strut her flower on the stage.

She gave me blood, sweat and gears.

We changed her name to Delores Dreamfield and got her a scream test for the missionary position in Death Takes A Horror Day.

But she walked away from it all.

Talk to Lax Barker, the Cosmetic King.”

Well that took care of Wedsday.

Lax told me: “When we first met, she picked a fight just so we could makeup’

I gave her thigh liner, the high lights and low life and introduced her as Masque Scarea.”

Thurstday I phoned Kim and tried to prepare her for the fact that her sister wasn’t who she thought she was.

I told her to meet me at my place, 2B or knock 2B, Fryday night.

It was obvious who cracked my coconut then committed sistercide.

Poor Kim Bow, like me, didn’t know what hit her.

michaelewisart

WHINiNG AT THE DINNING

 
 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 35

After the evening and breathing had returned to formal, I asked Mellon Feller if she needed a guide home.

“No” she said, “Miss Chance will take care of that.”

Only Miss Chance probably saw which way the puzzle was jigged and decided to scatter.

I slapped Mellon Feller hard enough to send her shades into shadows and shouted: “Lets see what your phoney lump is made of, Mellon Feller, Mini Soda Katz, Tattle Dale Bow!”

It was then that I saw her egg white eyes showed no yoke.

I knew I’d missed my chance.

From the livid faces around me, I decided staying for cookies and tea might land me in steep trouble.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Monday I showed the photos I’d taken at the book hub to Camera Sly at Sly’s Shutter Shop.

He said Miss Chance reminded him of Patty Cable.

He said he’d encountered her at Swab’s Drugstore.

He said she was slipping a soda under her sweater.

“I didn’t want Constable John to cuff her” said Sly “so I threw three coins on the fountain and told her I could make her a scar.

With a mark on her face, I figured even hardened sea dogs would shed a private tear.

She called me Sven and golly I loved her.

I changed her name to Fallacious Flaw and taught her to pose.

I had big plans for Fallacious but after her calendar came out, she left me dateless.”

“Any idea where she might have gone?”, I asked.

“Follywood” he said, “she wants to go fur in the clamorous business.”

michaellewisart

A SCAR IS BORN

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 34

Jacqueline Lantern, of Booklegger’s Books , does a book hub on Sundays.

This week it was “Return To Knotty Pine”, by the notorious Joyce Bitts.

Knotty Pine is, of course, the pseudolimb of the former village of White-On-Rice, now Coupling-On-The-Sly on Basketune Island.

The meeting was advertised as “A sleek peek at the underbelly of a hot bed of high heels”.

Perfect fonder, I figured, for a tattle hustler, so I invited myself along.

“How nice to have a booster in the den house”, Jacqueline laughed when I arrived.

Netty Trawler was there,the Widow Sider, Pie Annie Eels, Miss Laid, the librarian, and Miss Prim, the school teacher.

“P.I.,meet our other newcomers”, Jacqueline said, indicating two ladies I had somehow not seen.

“This is Mellon Teller, and her companion, Miss Chance”.

Teller was a sight for sore cries, bent nearly double under a hunch and walking with a red cane because of her blind beggar eyes.

Well she might of been blind, but more likely the kind that shaded the sidewalks of Coupling-On-The-Sly.

Right off the chat, she told us Grope Captain Fondle was a cover for Lord Bonkers whose spoiled son appeared as Mold Fondle.

Constant Deflower was in reality, Widow Maidenhood, while Lorelei and Creepy Shacks were Sudden Tracks and her angry daddy, Cross.

michaellewisart

NEWCOMERS AT THE BOOK HUB

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 33

At the end of the room was a claque of rackers, unknown to me.

I asked Max who they were and he told me they were the Eight Balls out of Drunken.

I asked who was behind them.

He said Fast Teddy Feltsom.

I introduced myself to Fast Teddy and showed him a couple steamy kodaks and asked if he knew the bare.

“Yeah” said Teddy, “only she isn’t any Tattle Dale, she’s Mini Soda Katz.

Ran into her at the Brew Tea Coop in Port wine.

She pretended not to know which end of the cue to line up at but by the end of the night she’d put my wallet on a diet.

You get her in your range, you want to count cattle.

She’s always got a story.

You can lay book on that.”

michaellewisart

FAST TEDDY WITH EDDY MONK, ERSKIN BINKLE AND MAX MOON

 

 

 
 
 
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