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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 22

As they say in retail: “Life, like cash, is all about change.”

After three de-generations and a two for one sale, The Tomato Patch Bordello has shut its gates for good.

With both Lee Z, and my randy granddad under their wives watchful eyes, the Patch had, for all its hot dogs lost the wurst.

Madam Bertha D. Blooz finally won the election and got a politician’s seat to sit on she doesn’t have to cuddle.

The Madam is Madam Councilwoman now.

In the article, “Politics, From Sexual To Dirty” by Fanny May Hert in the Benchpress, Bertha said: “In the sex race I’ve run out of laps and so have the girls.”

Our motto was always “Sex For Higher” but the last little while The Big Mr. C mob has been trying to get their grip on our vice and now I can court them with city hall.”

michaelewisart

GETTING OUT THE VOTE

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 21

Well it cost a fistful of plug nickels and the promise of finger food but that Saturday at the Lois Lanes Bowling Parlour on Ten Pin Alley across from Sessions Records, I hosted the island’s ill eats.

The Pop was there and Rabbit Niceberg of the Chews, Sinj of the Seeks, the Reverend Mr. Amos Rant, the Dolly Comma, Lief Derekson, and Sowbad The Tailor, representing the Muslins.

They all greeted Omitt Cayenne and his two bawdy guards, then put on their bowling shoes.

It didn’t matter what was said, Omitt wasn’t ready not to strike again.

That is until Bell Adonna, High Priestess of the Peg Anns arrived in all her nympness.

Omitt broke into heavy sweets.

He not only offered her a full gobble of turkey delights but a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and how.

Yet all the Priestess asked of Omitt was for him to lock up his jaw, take his bombshells and go home.

That and pay the islands Electra bill.

This he did in return for her number and the chance to someday ring Bell.

Thus ended the War Of The Sectses.

michealewisart

LOIS LANES

 
 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 20

“Fact is”, Kay continued “I now own the Mall.

We’ve got The Big Box Store, ‘Your one stop shop for all your large box needs’, The Fabricator, ‘With more bolts than just out of the blue’, a Gape, a Loots, and a Barsucks.

I’m telling you this because to Omitt, nothing on Gulp Island should exist.

He blames it’s decanted ways for all his whines.

I fear he has already started blowing things up with the Electra Complex.

You must understand his actions do not represent Muslins.

We are a gentle people.

We worship cloth and bowling for Alley’s sake!”

“A Muslin situation”, I told her, “should be handled by the millinery.”

But Kay Sarong-Sarong said that could fabricate a war.

She’d heard about my involvement with the move against the 8ers by all the religious leaders and of my dealings with the Grime Lords at The New Troll Hotel in Smother Goose Landing, so she’d decided I was tailor made for the job.

michaelewisart

THE HANSWOOD MALL

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 19

The lights went out.

Something must have gone wrong with the Electra Complex in Wolf Bay.

Just as I found my flashlight, two thumps sounded on my door, 2B or Knock 2B at the Harbour House Hotel.

In the darkened hallway stood a vision from “1001 Slights”.

I was thumbstruck without a tack.

I kept thinking: “Hatrack, me shack and to be we go”.

“Are you P.I., the Private Guy?” she asked waving my card in front of my seasunk eyes.

Electricity out and no way to refuse, she pushed past me into the apartment.

“My name”, she said “is Kay Sarong-Sarong and Gulp Island needs you.’

I apologized for the darkness.

She said: “I know, thats why I’m here.

Ever read this book?”

The tomb she handed me was entitled: “The Nine Wives Of Omitt Cayenne”.

“No.” I said but on the lust jacket, I learned that old Omitt lost one wife in a mall, another in a divorce, the third he found wearing his Vizier, a forth ran off in a flood, the fifth he lost to a bottle of whiskey, the sixth to sense, the seventh took up with the eighth, and the ninth, it seems, hung around because she was lonely.

“I’m the one he lost in the mall”, Kay said, “the Hanswood Mall in midtown.”

michaellewisart

OPERTUNITY KNCKS

 

 

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 18

Several of the plod people were eventually rounded up by the authorities and put into detox in Port Wine.

When Hitch Ike recovered from his ordeal, he edited the Moo yards of hoofage into a stock exploitation film.

The Cattle Licks protested the film because of the shots of the Sacred Cow.

As far as Rib Lee goes, no one has seen him sense.

Bill Board still draws Lee’s “Cargo Cal And The Pilots” in the Punday Sunnies, while Dr. Abdul Obligato has taken over the running of The Stranger Than Friction Mustseem.

Me, I finally got back to the Harbour House and reading “The Big Creep”.

I picked it up right at the part where Phillip Friday was inspecting the bolo scars on the dead clown’s throat and says: “Thats not funny.

Those are gaucho marks!”

michaellewisart

A NIGHT AT THE FLICKERSĀ 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 17

Hitch Ike kept mumbling about his delirious treatments and the fear that the Plod People were after him.

We pulled into an oddly quite Motalk Gas Station on the way back to Sea Czar City.

It was then I noticed a blank eyed character staggering through the breaking glass of the station’s door.

He was drinking from a sick pack of motor oil.

“That’s Gaffer, one of my crew!”, Hitch yelled.

“I told you they were near.

Drive like a gnat out of Nell!

They’re here! They’re hear!”

michaellewisart

GASSED UP

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 16

Hitch Ike said it was trilling to listen to John St. John doing bird speak.

He called every winged feature of the jungle to bring food and beaks of water and news of the pursuing Plodman guards.

He even called Igneous, of the magnetic talents. his personal Roc, to fly Hitch Ike to the coast.

Strapped to Igneous’ back with his camera, Hitch flew over each of the seven vales, the Erased Rubber Tree Forrest. the Defeated Caves, the Sands of Thyme, to finally land on La Goona Breach.

The bird left him hailing a passing snowboat.

On board was Titus Ironicus, publisher of the Bench Press.

Fearing he might be pressganged by the newsman, Hitch jumped ship and swam to shore.

michaellewisart

GOING OVERBOARD

 
 
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