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Category Archives: Shaggy dog story

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 40

After words, I took Helen for lunch to Fine’s Kettle Of Fish.

Joey Pratt Falls brought us two bowls of McGuffin Red Herring soup, then Helen said: “Boss, so No Bull Savage claimed his people haven’t any boarders which is how he could send those bunch of Nasty Partiers off island….”

“Yes.”

“So if the Hidawhy can come and go as they tease, does that have some clue as to how you and the German Shepherd, Fritz, got to Cuba several years ago?

Do you have some kind of a deal with the Hidawhy that gives you a pass?”

“Now Helen”, I said “that would be telling.”

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FISHING FOR ANSWERS

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And be sure to rush to the Nudestand for the next scandalous episode in the ongoing Shaggy Saga Of Sea Czar City.

In volume 7, Eve Angelica appeals (very much) to P.I. Hatrack to be her haughty guard.

You’ll be on hand and feet for Randy Jim’s divorce.

You’ll journey to the forgotten land of Amnesia and see the legend dairy of Moo, meet the Sacred Cow and its High Milkmaid, Meena, barely escape the attack of the Plod People and be home in time for an early election.

You’ll see John St. John, Gulp Island’s only illegal alien, and the nine wives of Omitt Cayenne.

You’ll fall under the spell of Baba Alley and go to The Fair To Midland and finally learn the secret of the German Shepherd Affair.

All this and so much less.

 

Remember kids,Gothic Comics still has back issues of “Cargo Cal And The Pilots” (featuring the return of Cal’s arch nemesis, Ape Lincoln) and “Army Aunts” (who go feeler to feeler with the Corkroaches of Wineland).

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Just send a request for the issues you want to Sleet And Hale Publications, Sea Czar City, Gulp Island, Bikini Triangle, Somewhere In The Specific Ocean.

 

 

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 37

When I made it out to see my randy granddad at Casa Nova, the old rake had been banished, by Justa, to the garden shed.

“Your daddy, Peaeye, my son Floyd, was no better than me.” said the humble lie eater when he saw me at the door.

“We Hatracks have our hangups, luckily you take after your momma.

She was a Dotes.

They have goodness in grain.

Always feel your Dotes and you’ll do fine.”

I noticed there was a bottle of Niagara, “The Drink That Interrupts The Falls” on his bedside box, so I wasn’t so sure how much code there was in his re-morse.

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NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE DOG HOUSE

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 36

It was Lee Z. Gladstone who announced himself with a “She was only a scarecrow’s daughter but, oh my, how she left  all the boys raven” as he came through the office door.

He had a copy of Dime Magazine under his arm.

He slapped the weakly down on the desk.

“Thought you might want to see this, Duck Racy” he said.

Well I didn’t.

There it was on the inside, in lurid black and white with a headline that read: “Papa Rotzi, Bench Press Photog, Snaps Cereal Box Billionaire Having Dinner With All Twelve Fan Tan Dancers”.

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MAN OF THE MINUTE

 

 

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DAIRES. PAGE 40, STILL EVEN LATER

“Look” I said to Horace, ” I came here because I was told there was enough shots in this house to consider it holy and that they came from the both of you.”

“There was some rabbit fire this morning that just missed me by a hair.”

“Look”, I said, “I just don’t want either of you to get hurt” and I almost meant it.

“Yeah, well beat it Eggbert, you bore me” growled the old cooper, showing both barrels.

His first shot got five points for hitting the painting over my head entitled: “The Buck Stops Here”.

The second shot removed the door knob on my way out.

I got the feeling old girdle-gut didn’t truss me anymore.

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SHOWING BOTH BARRELS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEA CZAR CITY THE DIARIES, PAGE 37, MARCH 20, MIDDAY

I  had just walked in the door (ouch!) when my perceptionist, Helen Wheels said: “Keep your rain gear on Santa, this is going to slay you.

Something buggy is going on out at the Whiplash place.

Old Horace and his daughter Ginny have been drinking.

He’s throwing cats and she’s letting the fur fly.”

I turned around and was heading for that door again when Helen said: “And P.I.”

“Yes.”

“Take a pun, fully loaded.”

“Are you kidding?

You know How Ginny hates my jokes.”

“Yes, but I hear the old man keeps more than cigars behind his Humour Door.”

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DOOR TO DOOR VISIT

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 25, MARCH13 CONTINUED

News Niseburg was out in front of the Wayword Building with Scraps , his mutt.

“Extra! Extra!”, he yelled, “Read All About It! Man Bites Dog At Wiener Stand!”

I said, “Sounds like a story I should ketchup on.”

News caught my nickel and passed over The Bench Press.

“See you in the Punday Sunnies, kid” I said.

“Not if I see you first, Mr. Hatrack.”

In the outer office Helen put down the latest Mist Marbles: “Every Crook And Granny” to tell me that Willet Fly was in my office.

He was installing my new steam-driven Nemo 900.

The Nemo Comtutor was the latest invention of Fly’s and he’d promised me to be the first on my block.

The Nemo 900

The Nemo 900

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 24, MARCH 13 CONTINUED

I asked Cobbler what the Floorshine manse was like.

He told me it was the only highrise heel in town.

After WWII, it was a rundown army boot but it still had a good sole and just needed a proper coat of polish.

Old Floorshine, Waxy to his friends, moved in the wife and all the kids.

Cobbler came back home early because he said his daughter, Peach, had caught the eye of the Smother Goose Snooze editor, Prints Charming.

He also said the widow Lacey Floorshine was starting to tie into him like she was looking for a new bow.

“Oh”, he said, “and I brought you back a case of ‘Old Jack Horner, Aged In Kegs Made From Trees Harvested In the Decanted Forrest’

Love Hammer And Thong

Love Hammer And Thong

 

 

 

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