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Category Archives: Humour

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 28

Oh yes, I’d had my Baba Alley daze and not that long ago.

It was on a case and not of Old Jack Horner.

Connell Oldman, the matinee idle, had been off set from “The Printer”, his new movie, for over a month.

So Follywood came calling.

I tracked Oldman to Chinablock and Baba Alley where I became a mazed and hit my head against a wall that went blank.

When I came to, three gets you four, I was at sixes and sevens.

I was in a twisty dream of a street with Baba Alley Books, Baba Alley Junk And Forgettables, The Fall Inn, Low’s Illusionarium and the Singaport Five And Dine.

It was in the eatery, I found Oldman, his reality ajar under the spell of a B-girl named Mason.

They were listening to the B. Giles Band, which I thought had disappeared years ago.

Then I saw her.

She was a portrait of the Moona Lita, as was the painting above her.

A mixologist, this Moona had grown bitter from spending her life behind bars.

michaellewisart

THE STREET OF NO RETURN

 

 

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 27

Bendar Dundat, regression therapist and arch conservative, was found conserving arches from all over Sea Czar City in his debasement.

It was his seat that was sat on by Nobull Savage, Meadow Racetrack owner and head of the Cree Tan Tobacco Company.

Janitor, Ulysses Broom, turned out to be a closet 8er and not, when confronted, the least bit sweepish about it.

Secondhand Stan, the shop keeper, got Broom’s seat, after the brush off.

Oliver Fine, former owner of Fine’s Kettle Of Fish, got B.B. Wolf, the banker’s, goat.

Bertha DeBlooz finally ousted the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant over religious prosecution.

Bombay Sinj, the fire chief, was still hot with the voters.

Dr. Spot was Johnny on.

Dick Swab cleaned up.

Usher Falls stayed upright.

Gangster yes man, Hammond “Notting Ham” Rye lost his sheriff’s badge to Doghouse Brown”s brother, E. Vic Brown.

Mayor Major Miner somehow came back for a fourth term.

His son, “Figgy” Newton Miner, ran his father’s complain on his platform of closing Baba Alley, if only someone can find it.

“Baba Alley, you ever been there?” Lee Z. asked.

michaellewisart

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 26

I’d just got to the fair and was relishing a footlong with cat soup and army muster at the Hot Hog stand when I heard: “She was only a rope maker’s daughter but boy did she know how to tie one on”.

Lee Z. Gladstone ordered a ham burglar with all the trimmings, or as the menu calls it: “Cheese it, its the crops!”.

We grabbed a table and shot the goose soup over the recent election.

Despite the recount, due to the voters list containing names such as A, Non Amous and Suta Nimm, it looks like the outcome will stand.

It was Scoop DeJour’s article:, “Crumbs In The Cookie Jar, Whose Been Dipping Into The Public Funs?”, that sent everybody back to the ballad boxes to sing again.

The huge sandal that booted some of the council out the door involved phone bills to call girls, playoffs in hotel hobbies, 8ers in Haul Street pockets and contracts awarded to the highest bitter.

michaellewisart

HOT HOG STAND

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 25

There will be the usual sack race for the recently fired.

The crowning of Miss Main Squeeze at the Juice Right Pageant.

Boris, the vulgar boatman, will again take on both Cuss Plucker, the Blunder Busman and the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant in the mule  cussing contest.

(Last year the air was so blue, they had to call it a draw when the animals fainted from embarrassment.)

Bango the Balloon Clown, is running the bomb toss.

Ranger Roy is giving demonstrations on the dangers of the pool sharks known as Chaws,  little nippers who go after the toes of of both municipal and backyard swimmers.

Easy Perkins is bringing his champion turkey, Peach Gobbler, his prize winning hen, Coopsa Daisy, and his ash ram, Sooty, to the Life Shock Show.

Colonel Corny Cobb Web’s Coochie-Coo Tent will premiere ZaZa LaPlume, the fan dancer’s new act where instead of just feathers, she uses the whole bird and bills herself LaPlume the Flamingo Dancer.

michaellewisart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 24

As Confusion, our ornamental philosopher says: “Time is a funny thing, but its no laughing matter”.

It’s Fall Back Time again and the True Eds were up all night rearranging the Stone Hinge.

My granddad turns 148 and Albrite Winestein, the Grapes Of Math professor, says that outside the Bikini Triangle, old Randy Jim would have been dead twice over.

Winestein has a theory about relatives, the fact our seasons run backwards and how time goes quickly when your young but slows down the older you get.

The Fair To Midland is in Fall swing.

This year Lady Vain, the vegetarian vampire, will be manning the Hissing Booth.

Frankie Rummoli is back with his Used Gamble Lot.

Jackie Odds is running the Carousel Races.

Simon Sample, the pieman from Smother Goose Landing, is bringing the In Your Face edibles.

Doghouse Brown is barking the Snide Show.

Miss Prim has allowed her on-ice caveman boyfriend, Og, to stubble up again as Pop Sickle and enter the Rastling Ring against last year’s chump, Twotired Housecart.

michaellewisart

MIDWAY DOWN THE SNIDE SHOW

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL.7, PAGE 23

“Being a Scarlet Sister isn’t really the way it once was,” Bertha went yawn.

“The culture has become pasteurized and thats not a bad thing.

Little Red Heidi Wood tried to unionize the girls a couple years ago, telling them that laying down on the job was no road to self respect.

I’m ashamed I stood against her.

She left and became a radio star with the Brazing Hussey cooking show and is now the author of two books: ‘Frying In the Nude’ and ‘The Little Red Book Of Meow’.

Bon Bon is set to open her own candy store in Gelt Glowers.

Carlotta Park has become a lingerie model for Vague Magazine.

Barbie Q. is selling her own grill on tv.

Bunny Ears is raising chickens for Easy Pickins.

Voodoo Doll snagged a clothe merchant.

Buckin Brenda has gone into social work.

Piggy Leigh already has two hit  singles, ‘Hog Mild’ and ‘Larry In The Sty With Desmond’.

Chilli Pepper, our piano man, now tickles the ivories at Colonel Corny Cobb Webb’s Girlique.”

michaellewisart

CHANGE OF PACE

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 22

As they say in retail: “Life, like cash, is all about change.”

After three de-generations and a two for one sale, The Tomato Patch Bordello has shut its gates for good.

With both Lee Z, and my randy granddad under their wives watchful eyes, the Patch had, for all its hot dogs lost the wurst.

Madam Bertha D. Blooz finally won the election and got a politician’s seat to sit on she doesn’t have to cuddle.

The Madam is Madam Councilwoman now.

In the article, “Politics, From Sexual To Dirty” by Fanny May Hert in the Benchpress, Bertha said: “In the sex race I’ve run out of laps and so have the girls.”

Our motto was always “Sex For Higher” but the last little while The Big Mr. C mob has been trying to get their grip on our vice and now I can court them with city hall.”

michaelewisart

GETTING OUT THE VOTE

 

 

 

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