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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 35

After the evening and breathing had returned to formal, I asked Mellon Feller if she needed a guide home.

“No” she said, “Miss Chance will take care of that.”

Only Miss Chance probably saw which way the puzzle was jigged and decided to scatter.

I slapped Mellon Feller hard enough to send her shades into shadows and shouted: “Lets see what your phoney lump is made of, Mellon Feller, Mini Soda Katz, Tattle Dale Bow!”

It was then that I saw her egg white eyes showed no yoke.

I knew I’d missed my chance.

From the livid faces around me, I decided staying for cookies and tea might land me in steep trouble.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Monday I showed the photos I’d taken at the book hub to Camera Sly at Sly’s Shutter Shop.

He said Miss Chance reminded him of Patty Cable.

He said he’d encountered her at Swab’s Drugstore.

He said she was slipping a soda under her sweater.

“I didn’t want Constable John to cuff her” said Sly “so I threw three coins on the fountain and told her I could make her a scar.

With a mark on her face, I figured even hardened sea dogs would shed a private tear.

She called me Sven and golly I loved her.

I changed her name to Fallacious Flaw and taught her to pose.

I had big plans for Fallacious but after her calendar came out, she left me dateless.”

“Any idea where she might have gone?”, I asked.

“Follywood” he said, “she wants to go fur in the clamorous business.”

michaellewisart

A SCAR IS BORN

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 34

Jacqueline Lantern, of Booklegger’s Books , does a book hub on Sundays.

This week it was “Return To Knotty Pine”, by the notorious Joyce Bitts.

Knotty Pine is, of course, the pseudolimb of the former village of White-On-Rice, now Coupling-On-The-Sly on Basketune Island.

The meeting was advertised as “A sleek peek at the underbelly of a hot bed of high heels”.

Perfect fonder, I figured, for a tattle hustler, so I invited myself along.

“How nice to have a booster in the den house”, Jacqueline laughed when I arrived.

Netty Trawler was there,the Widow Sider, Pie Annie Eels, Miss Laid, the librarian, and Miss Prim, the school teacher.

“P.I.,meet our other newcomers”, Jacqueline said, indicating two ladies I had somehow not seen.

“This is Mellon Teller, and her companion, Miss Chance”.

Teller was a sight for sore cries, bent nearly double under a hunch and walking with a red cane because of her blind beggar eyes.

Well she might of been blind, but more likely the kind that shaded the sidewalks of Coupling-On-The-Sly.

Right off the chat, she told us Grope Captain Fondle was a cover for Lord Bonkers whose spoiled son appeared as Mold Fondle.

Constant Deflower was in reality, Widow Maidenhood, while Lorelei and Creepy Shacks were Sudden Tracks and her angry daddy, Cross.

michaellewisart

NEWCOMERS AT THE BOOK HUB

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7. PAGE 28

Oh yes, I’d had my Baba Alley daze and not that long ago.

It was on a case and not of Old Jack Horner.

Connell Oldman, the matinee idle, had been off set from “The Printer”, his new movie, for over a month.

So Follywood came calling.

I tracked Oldman to Chinablock and Baba Alley where I became a mazed and hit my head against a wall that went blank.

When I came to, three gets you four, I was at sixes and sevens.

I was in a twisty dream of a street with Baba Alley Books, Baba Alley Junk And Forgettables, The Fall Inn, Low’s Illusionarium and the Singaport Five And Dine.

It was in the eatery, I found Oldman, his reality ajar under the spell of a B-girl named Mason.

They were listening to the B. Giles Band, which I thought had disappeared years ago.

Then I saw her.

She was a portrait of the Moona Leta, as was the painting above her.

A mixologist, this Moona had grown bitter from spending her life behind bars.

michaellewisart

THE STREET OF NO RETURN

 

 

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 27

Bendar Dundat, regression therapist and arch conservative, was found conserving arches from all over Sea Czar City in his debasement.

It was his seat that was sat on by Nobull Savage, Meadow Racetrack owner and head of the Cree Tan Tobacco Company.

Janitor, Ulysses Broom, turned out to be a closet 8er and not, when confronted, the least bit sweepish about it.

Secondhand Stan, the shop keeper, got Broom’s seat, after the brush off.

Oliver Fine, former owner of Fine’s Kettle Of Fish, got B.B. Wolf, the banker’s, goat.

Bertha DeBlooz finally ousted the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant over religious prosecution.

Bombay Sinj, the fire chief, was still hot with the voters.

Dr. Spot was Johnny on.

Dick Swab cleaned up.

Usher Falls stayed upright.

Gangster yes man, Hammond “Notting Ham” Rye lost his sheriff’s badge to Doghouse Brown”s brother, E. Vic Brown.

Mayor Major Miner somehow came back for a fourth term.

His son, “Figgy” Newton Miner, ran his father’s complain on his platform of closing Baba Alley, if only someone can find it.

“Baba Alley, you ever been there?” Lee Z. asked.

michaellewisart

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 26

I’d just got to the fair and was relishing a footlong with cat soup and army muster at the Hot Hog stand when I heard: “She was only a rope maker’s daughter but boy did she know how to tie one on”.

Lee Z. Gladstone ordered a ham burglar with all the trimmings, or as the menu calls it: “Cheese it, its the crops!”.

We grabbed a table and shot the goose soup over the recent election.

Despite the recount, due to the voters list containing names such as A. Non Amous and Suta Nimm, it looks like the outcome will stand.

It was Scoop DeJour’s article:, “Crumbs In The Cookie Jar, Whose Been Dipping Into The Public Funs?”, that sent everybody back to the ballad boxes to sing again.

The huge sandal that booted some of the council out the door involved phone bills to call girls, playoffs in hotel hobbies, 8ers in Haul Street pockets and contracts awarded to the highest bitter.

michaellewisart

HOT HOG STAND

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 25

There will be the usual sack race for the recently fired.

The crowning of Miss Main Squeeze at the Juice Right Pageant.

Boris, the vulgar boatman, will again take on both Cuss Plucker, the Blunder Busman and the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant in the mule  cussing contest.

(Last year the air was so blue, they had to call it a draw when the animals fainted from embarrassment.)

Bango the Balloon Clown, is running the bomb toss.

Ranger Roy is giving demonstrations on the dangers of the pool sharks known as Chaws,  little nippers who go after the toes of of both municipal and backyard swimmers.

Easy Perkins is bringing his champion turkey, Peach Gobbler, his prize winning hen, Coopsa Daisy, and his ash ram, Sooty, to the Life Shock Show.

Colonel Corny Cobb Web’s Coochie-Coo Tent will premiere ZaZa LaPlume, the fan dancer’s new act where instead of just feathers, she uses the whole bird and bills herself LaPlume the Flamingo Dancer.

michaellewisart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 24

As Confusion, our ornamental philosopher says: “Time is a funny thing, but its no laughing matter”.

It’s Fall Back Time again and the True Eds were up all night rearranging the Stone Hinge.

My granddad turns 148 and Albrite Winestein, the Grapes Of Math professor, says that outside the Bikini Triangle, old Randy Jim would have been dead twice over.

Winestein has a theory about relatives, the fact our seasons run backwards and how time goes quickly when your young but slows down the older you get.

The Fair To Midland is in Fall swing.

This year Lady Vain, the vegetarian vampire, will be manning the Hissing Booth.

Frankie Rummoli is back with his Used Gamble Lot.

Jackie Odds is running the Carousel Races.

Simon Sample, the pieman from Smother Goose Landing, is bringing the In Your Face edibles.

Doghouse Brown is barking the Snide Show.

Miss Prim has allowed her on-ice caveman boyfriend, Og, to stubble up again as Pop Sickle and enter the Rastling Ring against last year’s chump, Twotired Housecart.

michaellewisart

MIDWAY DOWN THE SNIDE SHOW

 

 

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