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Monthly Archives: February 2019

THE TRAVELS OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL 8, PAGE 6

Abel waved his cane in surrender and sent me back through his hall of montezuma to the door of triple E.

On a desk was a stack of risky photos which I put in my pocket, but no jar of pimentos.

Those, he swore. he sold months ago to Professor Gobbles, the owner of Jackassic Park.

I didn’t think my Keister could make it all the way to Basketune, so I caught the “Blue Streak”, at the Blunder Bus Station, and headed up island, where I got the Blue Ferry to Warp Seed Harbour.

I flagged a cab that took me through Ripe Pillage and up to the surly gates of Jackassic Park.

Under the legend: “Laugh Clone, Laugh”, was a padlock indicating it was closed for the night.

Now I always say the only good defence is a grate off fence, which I found soon enough.

After I wriggled through, it was as quiet as church lice, except for the distant hee-hawing of the giant pre-hysterical beasts.

They must have heard me as well because it wasn’t lawn before my ass was grass, surrounded by a group of the biggest donkeys that ever brayed on my kind.

michaellewisart

ASS DEEP IN THE PARK

 

 

 

 
 

THE TRAVELS OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 8, PAGE 5

Despite their motto, “We’ll Never Rook You”, the Castle Brothers Moving And Storage aren’t above a drop off from the back of their truck, so I decided my first stop would be Snagg’s Pawnshop.

I found the old gout in his gage at the back of the shop.

“Castle Brothers”, Abel banged his cane, “you know I have no truck with those haulers.”

“Can the Bullfinch, you old mythmaker, unless you want Police Detective, Max Tracker, in here going over your place with a fine truth comb.”

The trick was treat enough to shake the snake’s rattle.

“Alright, alright,” he said “I did buy a cornporn box off the Castles last year, but sold it to a stranger I’ve never seen sense.”

“Yeah”, I laughed, “if I know my granddad, he had enough steamy picts to black the males of most of Gulp Island.

And me, I don’t see you selling such a goal mine.

So cut the cake and lets get down to slices.”

michaellewisart

THE OLD GOUT

 

 
 

THE TRAVELS OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 8, PAGE 4

It was then that Flambow began waxing on about the ear of Winset VanGoth.

Seems that the mad artist had unplugged said appendage from his skull in a deaf scheme to woo the lovely Miss Kinky.

Miss Kinky informed Winset that she’d rather a ring than an ear.

It was then, according to Auteur, that Miss Kinky plopped the shrivelled shell into young Randy Jim’s Sour Toad cocktail.

Flambow said my granddad decided to retain it as a cheap steak.

Now that the infamous artist of “Scary, Scary Night” has finally nicked the ducat, the good citizens of Farris want to bury VanGoth with ear in tow.

All this seemed fine with my randy granddad, except he claimed that the objet d’hark hadn’t been heard from in quite some time.

“I kept it as a pimento”, Granddad said,  “in a jar with others.

I had it in a box of cornporn, marked: ‘Highly Spliced’.

But last year, when I got everything out of storage, it like the vegetable, didn’t turnip.

Looks like its a job for you, PeeEye”.

michaellewisart

WHATS THIS EAR ?

 

 
 
 
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