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Monthly Archives: July 2018

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 8

“Messy Recourse Goes Into It’s Third Week!”, shouted the Bench Press headlines the next morning.

Then two days later it was: “Randy Jim Keeps Casa Nova”.

“‘And you can keep Hoover, the butler as well!” screamed former Mrs. Hatrack, now Justa Fortune Hunter, “but I’m taking the show fur.’

Now half owner of the half owned by former husband, Randal James Hatrack, of the Lying Lunchman’s Mind, Ms. Hunter has taken a spenthouse suite in Gelt Glowers.”

Ginny Fizz, my granddad’s former weakend nurse from the Iceflow Care Home has moved into Casa Nova with her dog, Dipsy Poodle. to look after him.

Marion Hood is a maid once again.

This morning I noticed a bottle of Niagara,”The Drink That Stops The Falls”, is back on  my granddad’s bedside table.

I still take he and Old Coot to the park but the James Boys aren’t the trouble they use to be.

No more stealing candy from babies while winking at their nurse maids.

Today Randy Jim said to me: “There’s no fire in the farts, my boy, my stomach can’t handle the spices.”

michaellewisart

AT HOME WITH HATRACK

 

 

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 7

Her  come hither had gone yawn.

I tried to help her by egging her on to make more yokes.

But it didn’t help.

Her listeners became bored again sheep and started to flock off.

Eve Angelica ended up working behind the counter at Swabs Drugstore.

She told everyone that I had left her in ruins like Anchor Wot.

Funnily enough, I started getting calls from the Centaurette , Apple Lucy, asking if I wanted to horse around, Jill Fever wanting to know if I’d like to come over and play doctor, Ruby Gams suggesting we do a little smoking and even April, the Colander girl, asked for a date.

From what I hear now, Eve’s secretary, Aimee Fearsome McSimple, has taken over the For Squares Hostel with her partner in slime, Delmon Gangtree.

michaellewisart

PARTY LINE

 

 

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 6

Yet amidst all the grits and yammer, Eve seemed bored so I told her stories of my add dentures.

I told her about the summer Lord Vain, The Vegetarian Vampire’s uncle Noah, Count of Sham, arrived from Vulgaria and I solved The Mystery Of The Missing False Fangs.

The trip I took to Reclina to try and stop Lazy Boy Slouch from going to the chair.

I thought her radio show needed a few yuks, so I gave her some of  mine.

But Aimee and Delmon were jealous of my wit, telling her that even cows considered puns the lowest form of humour.

And on the show she seemed dogged by a voice that was no longer husky.

michaellewisart

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING FALSE FANGS

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 5

For a couple of weeks we, Aimee the secretary, Delmon Gangtree the show fur, and I went everywhere with her ripeness.

We had drinks at the Manhatted Club in Queensville City.

We had drunks with the Staggers in Port Wine.

We went to fancy halls.

We went to The Basket Ball in Basketune.

We went to The Slow Ball in Reclinea.

We threw out the first umpire in the opening game between The Sea Czar City Togas and The Drunken Louts.

We lost money at the snail races.

We did suppermarket openings, book sightings, and UFO shows.

We guested on Ida Clair’s radio show and The Wide World Of Wood with Uncle Oslo and Walter Ego.

We did a fun razor for a barbershop in Clowntown and a bed-a-fit for Nettles Furniture Store here.

michaellewisart

ON THE TOWN

 

 

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THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 4

I told her that I don’t carry a gun.

She said: “Exactly!”

I told her to be her bodyguard was going to cost her.

But if she crossed my palm, I’d be her date.

……………………………………………………………………………….

When Helen Wheels arrived at work, I told her to pay Usher Falls the rent, work on the prison break files, and in the nail file, put the office clippings, catch up on our index of  hot dog stands, and phone Bob Buoy, the Harbour House bellhop and ask him to feed Kipper, my fish.

Also to pack my wrecksack, looks like I could be gone awhile.

michaellewisart

DRINKING LIKE A FISH

 

THE SHAGGY SAGA OF SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 7, PAGE 3

I put “The Big Creep” down when she wafted through the door with enough waft to make a blindman’s nose throw off it’s crutches and smile.

Eve Angelica has a radio show, “Profane Readings Of Sacred Tex”, every sunny mourning right after “The Braising Hussey”.

Her main interest is Male In Money.

She needs enough to build her “For Squares Hostel”.

She has a gossip choir that could give chills to an iceman.

Last I heard she’d been kid-napped.

In fact she always seemed to be kidding about napping.

She claims the last four abductions she had to arrange herself.

In other words, she’s up for grabs.

So I was surprised when she told me she needed someone she could bank on to feel safe.

She needed someone she could walk with, hand in hand, yet still feel harms apart.

I was beginning to feel flattened.

michaellewisart

EVE ANGELICA

 

 

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