The next mourning, The Bench Press headline read: JUSTA FORTUNE (KNEE HUNTER) HATRACK SUES HUSBAND FOR REMORSE.
“In a statement to this reporter, Mrs. Hatrack said ‘I’m going to take that gamey old shooter for every marble he hasn’t already lost.’
The caption under the photo read: “Cereal Box Heiress On The Arm Of Former J. Morgan Gelt Driver, Jod Spur’.
And as if that wasn’t even odd enough, the neighbouring headline gravely proclaimed: “Goldie Gelt, Long Suffering Wife Of J. Morgan Gelt, Dead”
The article went on to say: “Mrs. Gelt passed away shortly after arriving at the Abandon Hope Hospital.
She took a fall while visiting Easy Picken’s award-winning hen, Coopsa-Daisy.
Fowl play is not expected, though the Phantom Rooster was heard to crow.
Despite the sudden tragedy, Mr. Gelt still plans to be on hand for the officious opening of Gelt Glowers.”