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Monthly Archives: May 2018

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 37

When I made it out to see my randy granddad at Casa Nova, the old rake had been banished, by Justa, to the garden shed.

“Your daddy, Peaeye, my son Floyd, was no better than me.” said the humble lie eater when he saw me at the door.

“We Hatracks have our hangups, luckily you take after your momma.

She was a Dotes.

They have goodness in grain.

Always feel your Dotes and you’ll do fine.”

I noticed there was a bottle of Niagara, “The Drink That  Stops The Falls” on his bedside box, so I wasn’t so sure how much code there was in his re-morse.

michaellewisart

NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE DOG HOUSE

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 36

It was Lee Z. Gladstone who announced himself with a “She was only a scarecrow’s daughter but, oh my, how she left  all the boys raven” as he came through the office door.

He had a copy of Dime Magazine under his arm.

He slapped the weakly down on the desk.

“Thought you might want to see this, Duck Racy” he said.

Well I didn’t.

There it was on the inside, in lurid black and white with a headline that read: “Papa Rotzi, Bench Press Photog, Snaps Cereal Box Billionaire Having Dinner With All Twelve Fan Tan Dancers”.

michaellewisart

MAN OF THE MINUTE

 

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 35

I got a letter today from Marion Hood, maid aboard the Forget Me yacht and one time Sherwood Florist bandit.

When she got out of Redlamb, there was no work for someone with a record who wasn’t a singer.

Her partner in grime, Robin Archer, had after a fall, thought himself the Rubber Baron of  Amnesia, so it was iconic that the real Rubber Baron was the one who saved her.

But now she says the Rubber Baron is in a bind.

His band is overextended, his chic condos are leaking, his erasers wont and his gloves are all thumbs.

Without any more real rubber trees, he was conned by a fast walking salesman to invest in synthetics.

Now he feels like a real sap.

It all boils down to the fact that Marion may soon be birthless.

She fears she will end up a pirate on Torntoga.

Just another ex-con Valdeez.

michaellewisart

LETTERS FROM ROAM

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL 6, PAGE 34

Stopped off at Foodfull Market and picked up a bag of Woodchips, barbecue flavour, a box of Ripper’s Instant Slashed Potatoes, a Birdsthigh frozen ontray, a package of Easy Mix Fellow “The Man’s Desert” but put back the bottle of Wild Murky.

Last time I had any of that stuff, I was banned from Hon’s Wine Dining, unless accompanied by an adult.

I settled for half a sack of Schmaltz, “The Beer Already One Too Many” and a fistful of El Logos.

Ran into Pete Skates.

He is working parts time at Lem Berger’s Worl Of Gigs, making Thingamajigs, Deelybops,  and Dohinkys.

The rest of the time, he spends as a plumber’s helper for Hells Bells Heating And Plumbing.

Says he always comes home smelling high, to Heaven, but the truth is, he hasn’t touched a drop.

He plans to fix up the old Odd-At-Sea place like a real homer.

He is in the process of buying the spread from Laurel Lie’s uncle, Ajax, who is off on another epic cleanup campaign, somewhere in the outback of Basketune.

At night Pete regales the family with tales of monkey men, turtle shell games and lobster rodeos.

michaellewisart

FOODFULL MARKET

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 33

For a chorus of 8ers, they became oddly composed.

It was then I noticed they were getting surrounded by a group of Hidawhy and simple sizers.

In fact No Bull Savage was talking to each 8er in turn.

When I asked him what was going on, he said: “Just separating the assets from the asshats, P.I.

These jokes, like the best of you, are undoctormented ingrates.

So we’ve decided to decant a few back to the nearest port.”

“You can’t do that,” one of the Nasty parties said, “no one can leave the Bikini Triangle!”

No Bull looked the bird in the eye until he quailed.

“Like stopping water, we can dam well do as we please.

There are no boarders for original land lords.

Tomorrow at this time, you’ll be refuse with, gee, no papers coming from some place no one has ever heard of, and all depending of the kindness of rangers.”

michaellewisart

BUM VOYAGE

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 32

It was decided by all fates, that we would present a united font and poster up tracks railing against the 8ers.

We also decided to include Holly Bridgair, former Follywood star and Guyheed terrorist.

She had been released early from Redlamb for being on odd behaviour.

She wanted to take her electric personality on the lecture circuit in hopes of promoting her tell-tall tale: “Brainwashed By A Money Launderer”.

When the conference ended, we filed out like prisoners going through the bars.

Outside we were met by a small, but yokel, group of 8ers.

There were signs.

They read;”Don’t Wash Whites With Colours”, “My God Can Whip Your Clod”, and “Bigots Arn’t Small”.

Shore enough, the sun of a beach at the head of the sinch mob was the Axes first lady, Decieva Bronze.

michaellewisart

THE SINCH MOB

 

 

 

ALAS, IN WANDERLAND, SEA CZAR CITY, VOL. 6, PAGE 31

It was the Pop, leader of the Cattle Licks, who came up with the idea of holding a conference of all the religious leaders at the IWW Hall.

No Bull Savage gave the opening payer.

In attendance with the Pop, was the Reverent Mr. Amos Rant  of the Chrisdons, Rabbit Niceberg of the Chews, the native Sayman, Ill Eagle, the Bootus High Heel, Dolly Comma, Pun’s Used Harlot, Bell Adonna, Lief, Son of the Birch,  Jinni Brown, a mysterious creature no one had seen before, as High Priestess of the Cindoos, Sinj, our fire chief, for the Seeks, Brother Gooda, Grand Formage of the Quackers, Confusion of the Confusionists, Sowbad the Tailor for the Muslins, and for us 8 Theists, Darwin Scope.

I became very defensive telling people I was an 8 Theist not an 8er.

Most of us were shocked to find out a lot of the 8ers were made up of the Black Art inspired Neo-Nasty Party.

There was even a roomer that Decieva Bronze, Black Art”s Pair-A-More was the behind of the whole thing.

michaellewisart

OPENING PAYER

 
 
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