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Monthly Archives: September 2017

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 53, FEBRUARY 8, THE DAY WEARS ON

I tried talking cents to the Bribe.

“Why do you want anything to do with this old bit of leaf jerky?

Its not as though he he has any kale.”

“Lettuce not be too sure.” she replied.

Thats when the whole inedible story came out.

Years ago the sponsor of Sgt. Singer Of The Mounted, Dreaded Eats Cereal, started giving away good deeds to small pieces of The Lying Lunchman”s Mind.

The dream was that if Hudson Day, the lost spectre, ever did find his claim, kids all over Gulp Island would get a chunk of the action.

Well it seems my randy granddad has been buying up and collecting those bad deeds for years.

Now by his own estimation, he has stocked to the max.

And what with the Lunchman’s Mind having been found, Randy Jim is Rich Randy Jim now.

michaellewisart

HAY KIDS

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2017 in storybook for punloving adults

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 52, TUESDAY FEBRUARY 8, LATER THAT MORNING

By the time I nursed my Keister up the hill to The Iceflow Care Home, the old tetch was gummy up to kiss the bride.

The bride was his old night nurse, Justa Hunter.

“Peaeye, meet your new grandmammy !” Randy Jim croaked as I charged through the door.

“We will get this addled state a culled” I said “before the ink dries on the deed,”

“On what grounds?” blustered the old windbag.

“On coffee grounds.

On the grounds that your crazier than a loot towel!”

“I’d be crazy, for shore, if I turned down a mattress test with this bit of ticking.”

“How about health reasons?”

“She looks sound as a drum to me.”

michaellewisart

THE MARRIAGE OF VIGORO

 
 

SEA CZAR CITY,THE DIARIES,PAGE 51, TUESDAY FEBRUARY 8

I was reading an excerpt from Pillup Rath’s new novel, “Cantor, Leave Her Bra” in this month’s Monkboy Magazine when Helen Wheels came in from the outer office.

“Boss, its Jill Fever on line one.”

“But we only have one line.”

“Yep and she’s on it.

Says you had better get to the Iceflow Care Home, toot sweet.

She says your randy granddad isn’t just playing grab lass, he’s getting married.”

“Wot!”

michaellewiisart

JUST READING THE ARTICLES

 

 

 
 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES,PAGE 50, MONDAY FEBRUARY 7

Willet Fly called me down to his office on the main floor of the Wayword Building.

He told me he had decided to use his time machine to tricks things.

“But” I said “I thought you said you can’t monkey with the future.”

“You can’t, but you can change the now by aping the Zen.

Without the Surf Bored, no one will be able to retail Mann’s path back to Gulp Island.”

Then he told me he had already traveled back five daze and nineteen ours to install a self distrust mechanism in the bored.

Tonight a bunch of us gathered at the Ale and Shovel Inn to jeer as we watched the Surf Bored disappear, at least I think we did.

No one seems to really dismember.

Stack Blowing

 

 
 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 49, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3

Willet Fly set up the big scream tv with a surf bored in the Later Hosin’ Sports Bar at the Ale And Shovel Inn so that everyone could watch the tale of  the Duck Bill unfold.

First the experts claimed that the Duck Bill was too new to be Ophelia Gearstart’s original.

Then the head doctor said Mann’s stories of mermaid saloons, a golf course missing lynx, and pirate private tears prove that Andy is mad as a platter.

Looks like  poor old Mustachio has found the asylum he didn’t seek.

michaellewis art

MUG UP WITH LOW BROW

 

 

 
 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 48, FEBRUARY 2, THE EVENING CONTINUES

Suddenly there appeared on screen Ophelia Gearstart”s Try Plane, the Duck Bill.

It seemed to come out of nowhere (the Bikini Triangle} and looked as though it was heading south.

The excited announcer was going on about how people thought Gearstart was lead in the water many years ago.

The four of us all had the same thought…if Ophelia could fly out, the out could fly in.

We could be facing not just the odd surviver sucked in the Nelson Eddy or grabbed by the Hollow Funnel.

It could mean crude ships and locust tours.

Just then the phone sang (“Hello Collie” from a dog of a musical) and Jitters jumped on it.

It was for me.

Helen Wheels told me there had been two calls.

One from Willet Fly to tell me someone had stolen his Mother Surf Bored and another from Ms. Gearstart herself to say that Andy Mann, her mechanic, had stolen her plane and simple.

I told Helen to tell Ophelia that the Duck Bill was at that very moment interrupting programing the whole whirl over.

michaellewisart

THE GETAWAY

 

 

 

 
 
 
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