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Monthly Archives: April 2015

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 35, MARCH 20 CONTINUED

Got my Bench Press from News Niceburg.

The lead story was a shirt tale about SoHi of SoHi’s  Quality Tailoring.

Yesterday he collared a thief who tried to pocket the petty cash.

SoHi cuffed him right on the button.

SoHi seams none the worsted for wear.

Stopped at the U Auto Care to see if I could get my Keister out of hock.

Shifty Gears was working on J. Morgan Gelt’s new Ophelia 1600.

According to Shifty, those high price dreads lose their mortal coils after just a few hundred kilometres and should be shuffled off.

Shifty admits, if you pump him, that when he first started working on cars, he thought it was a gas but now he just finds it tiresome.

I drove to Soupermon”s Deli Planet for lunch.

U Auto Care

U Auto Care

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 34, MONDAY MARCH 20

Stopped off at the Ice Flow Care Home.

Brought my randy granddad the latest copy of Spicy Accountant Stories.

Told him how Piston Pete had to do an oil  truck delivery, for Bub Z. Bells, to the Widow Sider.

Pete’s wife was none too pleased when he told her he’d filled the Widow’s tank.

Granddad liked that but was too in a dither to titter because staff had confiscated his collection of French postcards.

Those cards had been a gift from his father.

“You tell them Peaeye” he said, “I want my bag of Pop’s porn back!”

I promised I’d have a talk with Jill Fever, the manager

“Remember boy’ the old man said as I headed out the door, “only can-can dancers know which end is up!”

I stopped at Jill’s office.

She told me Randy Jim had been acting out again.

Seems he took off from the Ice Flow on Saturday because he heard the winner of the Miss Juice Right contest was doing the ribbon cutting at the opening of the new Hanswood Mall.

Sure enough they caught him trying to put the squeeze on Miss Orange.

Thrills By The Number

Thrills By The Number

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 33, SUNDAY MARCH 19, STILL CONTINUED

A couple of calls later, there I was in the rain, hollering at door 4 of the Notell Motel for Crab to come out with his clause up.

“Don’t come a glumshoe closer”, Carp yelled back.

I’ve got a marine can opener and if Faster tries to bolt, he’ll suffer more than metal fatigue.

The law can’t touch me.

He’s a freed machine and no one’s property!”

I got an idea.

“Stephen Faster”, I shouted back, “sing Swampy River so I know your alright!”

Sure enough cabin 4 lit up with song and I knew there wouldn’t be a dry eye in the louse.

When I stalked through the door like celery, there was Crab Carp crying, “Make it stop, make it stop!

It;s breaking my heart!”

Tin Pan Pally

Tin Pan Pally

 

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