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Monthly Archives: August 2014

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 26, MARCH 13 CONTINUED

I didn’t get far with the Nemo.

In order to use C-Mail, I have to learn Morris Cod.

Morris Cod is what mermaids use to communicate, over long distances, under water.

Willet arranged for Fishnet, Jip Pettoes’s mermaid wife, to tutor me tomorrow.

I had Helen close up shop early.

We drove to Queensville City for dinner at the Casabunga Cafe.

Chef Al Fresco makes a great Mess O’ Potaimia.

Afterwards we headed for Reclina.

We caught the early show at the King Leer.

I tried to get Helen to come back to 2B or Knock 2B for a night-cap.

She said no.

Seems she generally wears more than that to bed.

She said since I was the boss, she wanted to be able to respect me in the morning.

She said if I was in a randy mood, I could come back to her place and strip wallpaper.

I didn’t find that so appealing.

Table Waiting

Table Waiting

 

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 25, MARCH13 CONTINUED

News Niseburg was out in front of the Wayword Building with Scraps , his mutt.

“Extra! Extra!”, he yelled, “Read All About It! Man Bites Dog At Wiener Stand!”

I said, “Sounds like a story I should ketchup on.”

News caught my nickel and passed over The Bench Press.

“See you in the Punday Sunnies, kid” I said.

“Not if I see you first, Mr. Hatrack.”

In the outer office Helen put down the latest Mist Marbles: “Every Crook And Granny” to tell me that Willet Fly was in my office.

He was installing my new steam-driven Nemo 900.

The Nemo Comtutor was the latest invention of Fly’s and he’d promised me to be the first on my block.

The Nemo 900

The Nemo 900

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 24, MARCH 13 CONTINUED

I asked Cobbler what the Floorshine manse was like.

He told me it was the only highrise heel in town.

After WWII, it was a rundown army boot but it still had a good sole and just needed a proper coat of polish.

Old Floorshine, Waxy to his friends, moved in the wife and all the kids.

Cobbler came back home early because he said his daughter, Peach, had caught the eye of the Smother Goose Snooze editor, Prints Charming.

He also said the widow Lacey Floorshine was starting to tie into him like she was looking for a new bow.

“Oh”, he said, “and I¬†brought you back a case of ‘Old Jack Horner, Aged In Kegs Made From Trees Harvested In the Decanted Forrest’

Love Hammer And Thong

Love Hammer And Thong

 

 

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 23, MONDAY MARCH 13

I phoned Helen to tell her I’d be late to the office because I had an anointment with my doctor, Ben Dover.

While I had her on the line, I asked her if she wanted to go to the King Leer.

“Like the Arab said about the mystery fruit” she replied “it’s a date.”

 

After my manual checkup at the doc’s , he informed me that the reason I can’t get my words straight is because I have punnel vision.

In ancient climes he told me, sufferers were told to pack a caravan, taking one ass per inn, until their shekels started making cents.

But these days all he tells his patients, is to take two nickels and phone him in the morning.

 

On my way to the office, I stopped at Cobbler’s Shoe Repair, to get my pigskins out of hock.

The shop had been closed the last few weeks while Ed Cobbler had been in Smother Goose Landing, doing a kitchen Reno for Mrs. Floorshine, who lives in a really big shoe on Sullivan Street.

Really Big Shoe

Really Big Shoe

 

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DAIRIES, PAGE 23 MARCH 12 CONTINUED

Frank didn’t look too happy, so I offered to buy the dockets for a ducat.

I hadn’t seen the cigarette pack dancer, Ruby Gams, for a while so I thought I’d call her up and see what’s puffin’.

I called her when I got back behind the sign on my door at The Harbour House Hotel. that reads:”2B Or Knock 2B”.

“So given up smoking in the altogether, Glumshoe?” she sneered.

“I thought you were going to be my one pack a day guy.”

“Aw” I said “I’ve been kinda busy.”

“Yeah, from what I hear, you’ve been riding bareback with some unsaddled tramp.”

“Now Ruby, its not that way at all.”

“I knew you were a leg man, but I thought two would suffice!”

When the ringing in my ear died down, I phoned Apple Lucy.

All she said was “Neigh”.

Going Through The Notions

Going Through The Notions

 

 
 
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