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Monthly Archives: September 2013

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 15, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7

This morning I awoke wondering if I was ready for a stable relationship.

We’d had a great evening, Apple Lucy and I, just horsing around.

But was I too old for a myth?

All that was forgotten when I got to the office.

Helen shouted at me as I came through the door, “Don’t detrench that coat boss, you got a ditch to dig.

Yesterday afternoon, the new Cantorberry Rail was held up by The Mask.

He kidnapped Bubbles right out of her bath.

Arch Bishop wants you to get her back, and the rest of her while you’re at it.

Captain Mayfair has the Naughty Lust docked on Warp Street.

You better get a mood on!”

Sometimes A Cigar Is Just A Good Boat

Sometimes A Cigar Is Just A Good Boat

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 14, MARCH 6, LATER THAT AFTERNOON

I drove my Keister out to the Flying Horse.

Camera Sly waved me over saying:” Hatrack, I want you to meet Apple Lucy Warmblood, our new Lacey DeMure.”

She was a lot of gal on the hoof, towering over me at a good seven foot, four.

Four being the number of legs she had.

A centaurine, Charlie Horse’s niece in fact.

“Since its only a photo of her upper half”, said Sly, “who’s to know?”

Howdy Pardoner” said Lucy sticking out her riding glove.

She had her full lips on, a nickerchief, and a ten gallop hat.

It was love at first bite.

I took her for dinner at the Leaning Tower Of Pizza.

I had the unraveloni.

She had the hayburger.

Apple Lucy Warmblood

Apple Lucy Warmblood

 

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 13, MARCH 6, AFTERNOON CONTINUED

That is how I discovered that Willet Fly, inventor of the Tick Dock Time Machine, levitation mats, the Prophetic Polaroid (“Tomorrow’s Pictures Today”),and the Nemo 900 Steam-driven Comtutor is also Lacey DeMure, “Queen of the Horse Operas” and creator of Wide Lou Yonder, star of Western Mechanics Magazine,the Cowboy and Engines Monthly.

“Don’t let Neville Mayfair know”, I said to Willet, “I think the captain of the Naughty Lust has a huge crush on Ms DeMure”.

“I know” said the inventor “he’s always writing letters wanting to visit the Bar-B-Q Ranch.

I haven’t the heart to tell him there is no such place.

Fact is Camera Sly is at The Flying Horse Corral right now taking pictures of the model who is posing for my author’s photo.

You should check her out, I hear shes quite the horsewoman.”

Comb On The Range

Comb On The Range

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 12, MARCH 6 AFTERNOON

On my way to lunch at Patty’s Cheesy Eats, I ran into Joyce Bitts, the sex therapist who has her office on the second floor of the Wayword Building.

I asked her why she looked so down.

“Oh” she said “its just all the back stabbing office politics.

“But” I said “your the only one in the office.”

“I know, sometimes I just hate myself!”

After I left Joyce, I took the elevator down to the main floor.

The office door to Willet Fly Inventions was open a touch.

I clearly heard: “Reach fer that hog leg hermit and my dart-throwin’ hat band’ll nail ya ta the darn door!”

I eased open the door, ready for anything except for the sight of Willet shooting shadow bad guys with his finger.

Nailing The Varmit

Nailing The Varmit

 

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 11, MARCH 6 CONTINUED

The only visitor to the office this morning was Charlie Botemon.

Charlie runs Last Cabs And Accounts  (“Nothing Certain Except Debt And Taxis”)

His advice, as my accountant, was to tell me I had better evict the moths from my mattress and install some braying customers.

The Bench Press was filled with a surprise move by Arch Bishop, of Cantorberry Farms on Basketune, in buying Sea C. Rail from J. Morgan Gelt.

It is now remaimed Cantorberry Rail.

Bishop’s better-have, Bubbles, the notorious “Wife In Bath”, is installing a large one in their private car.

The bath will run Cantorberry Shamepain (“The Wine That Embarrasses You In The Morning”) rather than water.

All The News Unfit For Print

All The News Unfit For Print

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 10, MARCH 6 CONTINUED

Elizabeth Bareit Browntea bought Heatcliff Manor when its former owner, Lord Westchester, had the bizarre accident that left him known as the Headless Oarsman of Creepy Wallow.

Since then, Westchester has been a constant quest at Browntea’s high tease at midnight (as long as he remembers to remove his head at the dining table).

Lady McDoom and Uncle Oslo are also permanent guesses.

Aerial, sister in spirit to CB, the creature raised in the Wilds by radio, works as Browntea’s maid.

CB use to be the butler before he trucked off.

Now Slabby The Dead Clown has that position.

The Phantom Rooster is often seen on the  roof on its new perch, eating it.

Helen predicts Wedding Hells for Browntea and Uncle Oslo.

Look Who's Slumming For Dinner

Look Who’s Slumming For Dinner

 

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