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Monthly Archives: June 2013

SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 3, MARCH 5 CONTINUED

Like most of Sea Czar City, Donny has often seen The Ghost Of Lady McDoom with the Phantom Rooster and Slabby the Dead Clown, but this was the first time mother and son had met face to fade.

Donny said his mother’s ghost cried out:”Murder! Murder! Murder!” before mumbling “Death can be murder.”

“What if my mother’s death wasn’t by natural pause?

What if she didn’t just happen to be standing under what was about to be struck by lightening while out sleep walking?

If there was something odd, I want to get even!

I want to put my mother’s feet up on the desk.

I want her soles to rest!”

Meeting Of The Night Shade

Meeting Of The Night Shade

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 2, MONDAY MARCH 5

Simon Degree, the poetic weatherman on KAOS said this morning that the Byronmetric Pressure will definitely drop due to a Coleridge coming in from the north.

The news at Banters is that Lee Z. Gladstone and Smokey Mirrors are back together again.

She has forgiven his dalliance as he has forgiven the chipped tooth, cracked rib and black eye.

Jitters the butler said they should make a great bride and gloom.

When I got to my office in the Wayword Building, Donny Brook McDoom was waiting.

He had been telling my preceptionist, Helen Wheels, that the ghost of his dead mother, Elsinore McDoom had appeared to him on the road to The Ale And Shovel.

At The Office

At The Office

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, THE DIARIES, PAGE 1, SUNDAY MARCH 4

“The Day That Will Forever Live In Infantry”

Read the morning Bench Press.

Back Acres Farm is having a sale on Beatnik Potatoes (“Can you dig it”) and Calliope Melons, all organ-ic.

Sports page headline:”Sea Czar City Togas Get A Sheet Kicking From Reclina Layabouts”.

Picked up my Keister from U Auto Care.

Piston Pete Utter told me last night he caught his near-sighted wife, Dotty, trying to put cream cheese on their beagle.

Picked up Old Coot and my randy granddad from The Iceflow Care Home.

We went to the unveiling of belly dancing Witch War I super spy, Anna Conda.

Took Ruby Gams to a repeat showing of the Quint Westwood classic, “Fistful Of Fingers”.

Struck out at homegate.

Went to bed alone.

Continued reading “The Amorous Adventures Of Cutless Kate, Mistress of the Dolly Roger.

Seems she often came on deck in her underwear but the crew claimed she was always slip shape.

Statuesque

Statuesque

 

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SEA CZAR CITY, VOLUME 5, THE DIARIES*

The seasonal pattern addressed in the following yarns may confuse any reader not already willing to swallow the concept of Gulp Island.

Foodfull Market

Foodfull Market

 

*Selections made from Manvel Peeping’s “At The Window Still, the Biography of P.I. Hatrack”.

* The seasons move backward in the Bikini Triangle. so that summer springs into winter, which falls back again into summer.

 

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COMING DISTRACTIONS

Despite popular demand, Sea Czar City returns next week in Volume 5,” Sea Czar City. The Diaries”.

“Gulp Island Epics Too Hard To Swallow”.

It’s a detective too tough to chew, walking down dark alleys and we don’t mean streets.

It’s tongue-tied dames with hard-hitting dukes.

Its anti-climatic stories of the weather.

Its sea sagas you’ve only heard about.

Its fishy rumours of mermaid boarding houses.

Pirates on the high seize.

Mayhem in June.

Lame jokes from a one-legged barber about a spirit that doesn’t stand a ghost of a chance.

Naked tails of Blind Man Buff.

Puns on the run.

Look for it before it sees you.

Come one, come Paul, get it before the Tides Of March.

Subscribe today and as they said to the lovelorn egg farmer:”Your chick is in the mail.”

French Kris, Captain of the Dandy Pucker

French Kris, Captain of the Dandy Pucker

 

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