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Monthly Archives: November 2012

HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 41

Hey you missed The Sea Czar City Smart Dog Contest last night

It was a howl.

Dr. Spot’s watchdog, Timex, was there and Doghouse Brown’s Muggsy, Easy Picken’s shepherd, Heinz, Mac Tracker’s bulldog, Drummond, Ranger Roy’s St. Bernard, Beryl, Sparky, Neal Eel’s wire-haired terrier and the firehouse dog, Plug.

Even Bikini, Holly Bridgeair’s dog, got a day pass from Redlamb Prison, where it’s been staying with its owner.

Our new friend Tickles won Best In Know, so Hut Meg was pretty happy.

Oh and Helen Wheels wants you know that your randy granddad took off from the Iceflow again.

He was cankered because they moved the Senior’s Moment back an hour.

Helen said there was some talk about him grabbing a bathing suit and heading for the nearest secretarial pool but she thinks its more likely he is headed for Bertha DeBlooz’s, since it’s Floozy Twosday.”

The Fugitive

The Fugitive

“You know, when it comes to interactions with whites, my people have a lot of reservations.” Nobull Savage

fury-end-movie-title-still

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL; SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 40

Well you won’t believe what the old wheezer said next.

He says that’s okay then but it was fixing to be a cold night so he reminds Lula Mae to wear bear and the girls to put on their wolf sweaters.

He said it was late and they should get to bed so they can get up early for chores.

Well, Nell’s Bells, that was a night to dismember.

But about three in the amen, I wake and the barn is all hot and sweaty with snorting and grunting and not the good kind.

I swear I began to feel the hairs on my neck start to crawl up into the hairs on my head.

I didn’t paws to address my clothes or goodbyes.

I streaked through the woods faster than the howls that followed.

True story or I wouldn’t be sitting here tonight telling it!

Chariotes Of Dire

Chariotes Of Dire

 

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 39

The girls were a fun-loving toothsome and we entertained ourselves playing ‘Hide And Peek’ and ‘Spin The Tail On The Pilot’ when the beautiful young wife, Lula Mae, appeared at the door to tell us to quiet down.

She said we could be heard all the way up to the house.

I told Lula that if she joined us, we would all be as quiet as sleep.

Well that got her giggling and pretty soon the four of us were playing ‘Pigs In The Blanket’ and ‘Sinful Simon Sez’.

Next thing I know, its old Catch himself banging on the door, and demanding to know if his new bride was in there.

I yell back at him that she is, but it was too dark to send her back up the hill on her own.

Barn Again

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 38

With Lee Z., it’s always tale time.

“I was up on Crackatoea Mountain”, he started in, “a few years ago now.

I was trying to sell dust to the dirty near The Pit Of Nell, when my Gin Tizzy went into a ditch.

It was coming on night so I hoofed it the rest of the way to Sam Catch’s shack.

I asked Sam if he could spare a barn for the night.

He said I could stay in the one in back with his two lovely daughters, Sum and Watta.

He said there was no room in his bed, as he was sharing it with a brand new young strife.

So I wandered down to the creek where his two daughters were bathing to see who would be the first to throw in the towel.

Looking To Rend the Night

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 37

That was all awhile ago now.

Joey and Betty got hitched and bought Joey’s starting ground, the Kettle Of Fish, from Oliver Fine.

Betty got pregnant and is back barefoot in the kitchen, while Joey is out front pulling legs instead of having his broke.

I was in there the other night having a bowl of McGuffin’s Red Hearing Soup, when I heard:”She was only a fly fisherman’s daughter but when it came to spawning, she was the reel deal.”

Lee Z. Gladstone, our shady awning salesman, parked his long legs under my table and ordered another McGuffin.

Soup Too Sure

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 36

“Like what?” Big Mr. C said waving off Beef Stronganoff.

“Like your daughter.”

“Daughter?

I don’t have no daughter.”

“What you have or had was a nightstand that wasn’t furniture with a chorus girl named Coffee Sable and what she had nine moths later, after hooking a joker named Mocker, was a little bundle of annoy named Betty.

Now Betty doesn’t know any other daddy than the clown who raised her and I’m guessing you’ll not want to be enlightening her further.

She happens to be rock solid for the stone faced comic, so let them both go.

You owe them that.”

Snow Business

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 35

I plugged a few nickels and put my nose in some smelly places before I made an appointment to see the living rotunda on heels.

I went to his office at the C Side Enterprises.

I can’t say the meeting lasted long.

It came to the end with Big Mr. C’s jugular quip:”I’d break the leg of that petrified clown before I’d break his contract!”

Even in shoe business that didn’t sound like “Good Luck”.

“Throw the cheep peeper to the birds”, my host said to the knob by the door.

“Easy Maxine” I cautioned the advancing strong harm, “before you bruise your manicure on my nasty lapels, I think your trainer should know I’ve got something he wants.”

One Mug, No Coffee

 

 

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