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Monthly Archives: October 2012

HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY PAGE 31

The radio announcer’s voice bounced through the bar:

“Good Leaving!

It’s K.R.A.S. broadcasting from high a top the Tawdry Building in downground Oueensville City with Rick Shaw’s Orchestra and the lovely Fan-tan Dancers.

Tonight’s special guess, that tough-guy tenor Tommy Gunn Boyle and Cinnamon, Cloves, and Ginger, The Spice Rack Trio doing their big hit :’ Apple Pie Yourself It’s Larder Than You Think’.

Also direct from The Cave Inn in Port Wine, it’s the flat faced hilarity of Joey Pratt Falls!”

Joey Pratt Falls And The Spice Rack Trio

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY PAGE 30

Uncle Oslo brought me a tall order of goose soup as well.

He said that ever since Luna Moon bought Mutter Plucker’s Chicken Shack, Claude Marx, the lycanthrope. has been coming around once a month to wet his wolf whistle.

He told me that there had been a falling out between Eyefull Tower and Za Za LaPlume at Colonel Corny Cobb Webb’s Burlesque Palace which resulted in Miss LaPlume being voted “Breast In Show”.

Oslo also confirmed the rumor that Boxcar Bob and Hobnob Kane, Raisin”s no amount pa, dropped off a freight the other night and have already taken up with a band in the Oboe jungle.

It was about then that Helga Hopp, proprietress of the Ale And Shovel, turned on the radio.

Howling At Miss Moon

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 29

The next day, at lush hour, found me at the Ale And Shovel with nothing bitter to do than sit and wait for my Schmaltz (The Beer That Is Already One Too Many) when a stein appeared on the table cloth.

It was Uncle Oslo, the “Sent Thrill A Kiss” guy.

He looked down in the mumps, so I asked him where his dummy, Walter Ego, was.

“That little son of a birch” Oslo growled, “I hate his grainy little hide.

I’m sick of the act.

I give him all the dirty jokes and the women are all over him but if I tried on my own, I’d get my face slapped from here to Sunday.

But oh no, old pine soul cleans up every time!”

“Looks to me,” I said “like you have a jellousy problem which can only end up as just desserts.

But thanks for the beer.”

The Uncle Oslo, Walter Ego Show

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 28

It didn’t take long to convince Limberjack that under Frisky’s age, he could buy himself a ticket to cleaning cages at Redlamb prison.

I put Limberjack’s Libido in storage, Frisky on busboard with her confused old pop and the shoe salesman and I caught the Sea C. Rail for home.

You Can’t Go Roam Again

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 27

That is how Vino and I and a camera ended up outside room two, four, sex of the Mopey Hick Motel.

I got some grape shots of the sport playing with Frisky’s pom-poms.

Private Eyefull

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 26

To me, Port Wine has always been a town of complainers, but for the possible exception of Vino Fromage.

Vino is a full-time partier and drives hack for Pickup Andropoff”s Russian Cabs.

If anyone knew where the action was, Vino had the vintage.

Vino Fromage

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 25

My Keister was still in the sling at the U Auto Care, so that night I caught the Red Eye at the Blunder Bus station and headed for Port Wine.

Whiskey Risk was driving and that always makes for a nervous trip, especially after a ten minute layover in Drunken.

I decided I wasn’t going to add to the danger by telling Whiskey that Limberjack’s companion was Whisky’s own sweet daughter, Frisky.

Whiskey use to own Risk Crackers in Queensville City before his hobby became making slips in bottles.

Ten Minutes At Barney’s Beans Gas and Go

 

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