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Monthly Archives: September 2012

HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 23

I was trying to ketchup on the latest saucy adventure of Sgt. Singer Of the Mounted.

There had been a little spice added with a new character named Paprika, who was a dancer at Stu Lash’s Thawsom House.

She had just seen Singer in his civvies and said: “Suits a Lords! Wheres your fancy union zoot, me capitan?”, when Helen Wheels, my preceptionist, rolled through the door.

She had with her, Ima Bord, wife of Limberjack Bord, owner and operator of Bord Feet Shoes.

Pulp Friction

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 22

It was a hard story to tell the Mean family.

I doubt they will ever understand.

Still, life like a painting, had gone on in Sea Czar City, while I had been away.

Jitters the butler told me J. Morgan Gelt was upset because Jules “The Locket” Richair, our new hooky coach, has been teaching Gelt’s French maid,  Nanette Touché, the art of and Gelt is afraid she will never come back.

Seems Gelt was in his classic Tizzy, being driven all over town by his chauffeur, Jod Spur, last night looking for her.

Sarah Bellem, the mermaid who teaches math at the school of mermaids and inventor of the algae bra, has been expecting her auntie Bellem to arrive any day now, on a southern current.

And Camera Sly is finally marketing his “Prophetic Polaroid” (Take Tomorrow’s Pictures Today) for all those that want pre-runs of next summer.

Lost And Wound

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 21

“Well, hurry up with the unbounding” I said.

“My pleasure.

We were just waiting for you to come around.

You were on the ground, flaying about, so we figured you were fit to be tied.”

That night I ate pleasant under grass, watched the stares, and tried not to listen to Barley hollering: :”Raiseus rumpus, my Hootus Maximus!”

In the morning, Willow Wisp, a woodland spirit currently at war with the Scardate Logging Company, lead us out of the Wilds.

Looks like Gain Gus Con, the owner of Scardate wants to leave those creatures gnomeless.

I think I may have to have a talk with him about some of his clearcut ideas.

You Can’t Go Gnome Again

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 20

“You know what happens, friend Packet, when you spend too much time among these forest spirits?”

It was Walt Witchman untying my ropes.

“You become the blue rate special?”, I asked

“No, no, you Gauguin become a painter or poet in x-file.

I, myself am working on an epic I’ll call, ‘The Sleeves Of Crass’ and painting a series of seens in the Wilds.

Tell my family I’ve become a victim of the moon and sick sense, but I am a warehouseman no more!”

A Paul On Artists

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 19

When I came around, the first thing I saw was Barley, duck-naked, flapping around the fire with as savage a brood of femaleus nakedus as I had ever seen on the covers of “Men’s Friction Magazine”.

The women were throwing boxes of papers on the blaze.

The boxes were marked “Haul Street”, so I figured I was witnessing one of the Wild’s famous bond fires.

It was at that moment, I realized I was bound to watch and started to feel like a mean course.

Bond Fire

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 18

On the morning of the third day, we stumbled upon a krupa of wild drum beets, or as Knowitt refers to them, “Vermilionus Spudus Boombooms”.

Barley told me to pick them because nymphs prized them for their rhythm

That night we cooked up a big pot and it wasn’t long after my first couple of sips of the bubbly brew, that a wild pounding started in my ears.

It was then that my first ever nymph, Anna Meeta Mustscaria, appeared right before my lies.

The last thing I remember before blacking out was Barley shouting::”Femaleus Hottus!”

Not Mushroom Left

 
 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 17

After the first day, safari so good.

We started from Mission Impassable, then skirted the tall grass where a nest of hoop snakes were gambolling (never found out which one won), watched a bunch of Bungees jumping. and  recused a bear rabbit cubby from a patch of slow sand.

We dealt with furflies during the day and heebee jeebees at night.

We pan-fried fusecrape that make a musical twang and are quit a shock if grabbed with wet hands.

We saw herds of unihorns, longtooth codgers, black panters, and were swooped by a giant three-toed moth.

Yet we never saw any of the hare-raising centaurs or their hopping flocks, much less roving bands of musical nymphs.

“Don’t worry” said Barley, “they know we’re here.

Our Journey So Far

 
 

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