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Monthly Archives: August 2012

HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 14

Two nights later, Wotsit Mean wandered out of the Abandon Hope and wasn’t to be seen sense.

Nobull Savage was picked up for questioning as he seemed to be the last person to see Wotsit.

Nobull said he gave Wotsit a ride  and spent the light talking with him.

He said he gave Wotsit a Hideawhy name: Walt Witchman.

Nobull said Wotsit is a very Thoreau guy.

He claims he let Walt Witchman out in the Wilds.

Back On The Road

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 13

A few days went by.

The Grizzly Park Zoo acquired a bear rabbit named Remus.

Work started on the Muslin Musk, Shah Harry Zod is building in Salami Bay.

Judge Rocky Gravel, who replaced the late Judge Lynch, has instituted a new “Bye Law”, where outmoded illegalities get dropped.

Now it is no longer a crime to spit on your neighbour’s lawn.

Wotsit Means began to improve, though still calling himself Walt Nutt and pinning for the woods, he started to have moments where he recognized Lena (though as a wife, he refers to her as “one of the  many”) and his children who he called his “seedlings”.

He started talking about pulling up roots and branching off in new directions.

Bunny Behind Bars

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 12

I reopened the office the following week.

Helen Wheels was back from vacation and already full of local goose-soup when she ankled in around ten o’clock.

“Boss”, she said, “a sad thing has happened.

Wotsit Mean, the warehouseman at Sider’s went to see our  neighbour across the hall, Bindar Dundat, the Regression Therapist, because he wanted to know about his past wives and got regressed all the way back to a tree.

He started referring to himself as Walt Nutt.

Even Dr. Stigma Fraud could do nothing.

Wotsit would just stand still in his office and root.

The doctor had to call Sleepy Risk to pick him up in his somnambulist.

He’s at the Abandon Hope Hospital right now.

His poor wife, Lena the head nurse at the Abandon. comes in every morning to clean the nuts out of his bed.

She tries to talk to him but all he does is rustle and tell her to leaf him alone,”

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

 

HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 11

Randy Jim was in trouble with Jill Fever, owner of the Iceflow.

As usual he claimed complete innocence.

“All I did Peaeye”, my granddad said “was to notice that Miss Hunter, the weekend nurse Miss Wiggle’s replacement, had caught her skirt on a nail, so I just sat back and let her rip!

The accusation that a hammer was found in my possession, is just plain tacky!

Look my boy, a fellow has to do something salty or he’d go crackers in a place like this.

Half the droolers staying here are born agains, just waiting for the Rupture.”

Incident At The Iceflow

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 10

It was visiting day at the Iceflow Care Home.

When I got there, my randy granddad and his partner in grime, Old Coot, where busy trying to out lie each other with tales of their rheumatic past.

“I did a bed-a-fit”, my granddad was saying “for a brothel on Mount See All Isle, that was down on its pluck.

I was bedridden by a young filly in jockey shorts for two weak-to-go-on.”

Old Coot started talking about a can-can dancer named Wanda that he legged it with because she kneed to escape some arch villain who knew she had his fortune in tow.

“Wanda”, said Old Coot “could really raise her rumpus.

Her bra was 3-D.

After she went her separate way, I traveled all over the country looking for her.

I never lost my Wanda lust.”

Racy Memories

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 9

Lee Z. and I decided to bring the dogs back together.

When I got off the Blue Ferry, there was Hut Meg selling spices from her cart.

There must have been something familiar about her hot peppers, because without warning the Hellhound broke flee and started licking her face.

Meg took to scratching his ribs until they were both giggling.

Which is how Hut Meg got Tickles, the giant dog that hauls her cart to the dock and home every day.

Hut Meg And Tickles

 

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HAVE PUN WILL TRAVEL: SEA CZAR CITY, PAGE 8

It  wasn’t long after sundown, when we saw those eyes ablaze and the guided muzzle on fire like it had just come from the Pits Of Nell.

Puddle Paws stood her ground.

That demon dog stopped so hard on a dime. he left nine cents change.

After those hounds had their howl and the demon’s smoke had gone out, that drooling fool polished off his bucket of chow, then rolled over on his back and waited for someone to come scratch his belly.

Docile As A Yuppy

 

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