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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 55

I got a call from Bertha De Blooz at the Tomato Patch Bordello.

My granddad took another runner from the Iceflow Care Home and showed up at the Patch, for their Tea And

Strumpet  Special.

When I arrived, my granddad said he was only there as a political adviser:”That Wood gal,” he whispered  “she is trying to organize a working girls union,  only no one takes her seriously.

They’re calling her ‘Little Red’ Heidi.’

But I told her the only way to strike a blow against the bosses, is to get the girls to not lay down on the job!”

On The Pickett Line

Oh and the election?

Mayor Major Minor got in again.

Firechief Sinj, who really heated up the race, is a new councilman, along with Bindar Dundat, and Dr. Spot, the vet and furrier, who everyone knew was a shoe-in.

Unfortunately, Bertha DeBlooz lost to incombat, Reverend Mr. Amos Rant.

Returning too is Dick Swab, the druggist,t as is gangster yes man,”Nodding” Hammond Rye.

He was  elected sheriff yet again.

 
 

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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 54

Now Simon Degree, the weatherman, says that the Bikini Triangle exists because of a combined Nelson Eddy and a Holland Funnel, which keeps these islands out of the eye of the norm.

Frankly, I like Nobull’s story better.

Lazy Boy was safe out at sea by the time I reached Reclina, he might’ve drown.

Here There Be Mobsters

 
 

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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 53

“It was long before Captain Crook landed on these shores” said Nobull Savage.

“My people got their name when the switch doctor told them they must run away because white men were coming, but the chief said ‘Hida, why?’

Back in those ancient times, the leaping disease came and made men jump for Joy and stories teller jump to conclusions.

It was decided that something must be done.

So the people canoed all the sufferers to Gulp Island and No Man Atoll and three smaller islands.

Then their switch doctor threw one, which hid the islands forever from the outside world.

And from that day forward, the people ceased to ever speak of the leaper colony.”

The Leaper Colony

 
 

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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 52

I seated myself next to Nobull Savage, the owner of Meadows Racetrack.

I asked him where he was headed and he said, to Queenville City, to pick up Alone Danger and Princess Tantoes.

They are to be the grand marshals at our annual Payday Picnic and Parade.

“Alone Danger!”, I almost jumped out of my seat.

“Star of Overland Stage, radio, television, Punday Sunnies, books (comics and otherwise), in serials and on their boxes?

The Founder of Camp Katchabreak for poor kids, Mr. Allaround Whitehat Goodboots?

How did you get them?”

“I guess” Nobull said “you didn’t know that Princess Tantoes is my sister.”

It was on that trip that Nobull told me the legend of the Bikini Triangle, (known then as the Teepee Triangle), as his people tell it.

The Masked Raider Of The Plains And His Lovely Indian Companion

 
 

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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 51

Most folks, by now, know that Mutter Plucker took little Cuss in when he was abandoned on the steps of her chicken shack as a baby.

There he was in a basket with a note giving his name and the fact that his mother could no longer stand his blasphemous squalls.

“Quit your quacking!” yelled Cuss “and shut the duck up!”

We were off except for one moment when Cuss scared poor Hut Meg by shouting out the window:”Get off the sidewalk, you udder-jumping invert, can’t you see I’m driving here?”

Mutter Plucker”s Chicken Shack

 
 

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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 50

Tuesday, I had to go to Reclina.

Lazy Boy Slouch had been couch surfing at the beach, so I was going to try to nap him again.

The Keister was in for repair which meant taking the Blunder Bus’s Blue Streak Special.

It was a typical day, Cuss Plucker, the driver, was throwing luggage into the underneath and cursing all the while.

“Cheeses H. Slice!”, he’d holler “What the duck do these Cod-Slammed Other Pluggers think, that I  have all the time in the Clock-Chucking day?

If they don’t get their  ash-haulers on this ton-of-a-bleeching bus right now I won’t be responsible for my sheet-cheating language!”

All the while Mutter Plucker, his mother, was at the door taking tickets, calling everyone “Dear” and handing out cotton balls to the children.

Cuss And His Mom

 
 

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