Monthly Archives: August 2011

Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 49

After some serious negotiations, the thief did all the second story windows and took out the trash.

Come morning, he sadly turned himself over to Constable John

At Nick Pocket’s trial, Janet Tor appeared as a character witness, saying:”Yeah he’s some character, but bucket, judge, if you put him under my cussedty, I’ll clean his clock. It’s time someone tried to re-ability him and cause I think I addled his pate with my mop, he’s become real easy to handle. Besides he’s good at staying up all night!”

So that’s how “Tor an Pocket Maintenance …Clean You Up, Clean You Out” got started and they are both so quiet, neither one of them wakes me on the Murphy sled in the closet.

The Judgement


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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 48

Seems Miss Tor found Mr. Pocket, our neighbourhood rat burglar, rifling my desk, looking for a gun or other fencables.

Nick was fit to be tied when he awoke chair- bound.

He tried to yell:”Whats the gag?”but found a dust cloth in his mouth.

Janet just looked at him and said:”It’s no pick Nick for Mr. Pocket after that stealer performance, is it?”

As angry as Nick was. seeing her standing there all dusty, he realized it was love at first smite.

He Can't Talk Right Now, He's All Tied Up In A Meeting



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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 47

Two days later I was  on a case of Old Jack Horner in Port Wine, so wasn’t in my office to hear Janet Tor yell:”Bucket!” and connect her mop with Nick Pocket”s noggin, sending him in a brier instant sliding down the hard wax floor to score against the door.

Janet cleans up in Astrology and Dentistry, and Law and even my defective agency.

In fact, she cleans up in all the Wayword Building’s enterprises.

From midnight on, while everyone else has gone home (except for yours duly on my Murphy sled in the closet) Janet swabs our decks.

Mopping Up Crime



Pun Of Czar City, Page 46

We were all supplied by Lee Z’s news but just kept quiet, sipping our goose soup.

We talked about how Gil Trawler’s wife, Netty, caught him again girl-diving in the” Flipping Tails”, the mermaid saloon.

How Easy Pickens had to get another goat boy for his sheep after Ramsey, the last one, got caught in the woods by a pack of nymphs who left him for wed.

And of course politics.

How Bindar Dundat, the Regression Therapist, was running for town council with conservative backing, while Bertha DeBlooz, out local Madam, was definitely liberal.

That Luna Moon was also running but said she doesn’t care if she gets a seat, as long as she at least gets a lap.

Caught Fishing


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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 45

Jitters and I strolled over to Banter”s and were hardly in the door when we heard:”She was only an engineer’s daughter, but oh my how she could move her caboose…Morning Hemlock, you too Sleeves, Smokey!

Fellows, I’ve decided,” said Lee Z. Gladstone “I’m getting too old for the traveling salesman biz,too many farmer’s daughters, too many breakdowns in the rain.

I’m thinking of your ward Banter, Smokey Jr., at Captain Crook’s Real Steal Estate.

I think she could use the help.

Yeah, selling property, could take a whole lot out of my day.”

Lee Z's New Career


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Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 44

I was barely back at my desk when Jitters, the butler, stopped by for his Tuesday afternoon goose soup.

He had stories about J. Morgan Gelt being upset with the Misery Loves Company Employment Agency because he ordered an au pair girl and they only sent him one.

Then he fired the chauffeur after catching he and the cook in fragrant delicktoes.

He has now hired a new chauffeur named Cherry Ott, who has a fiery temper and drives him mad.

Jitters said Mrs. Gelt turns a blind eye to her husband’s very hands-on management of the female staff and spends her time endlessly talking to Hunky Bellow, the groundsman.

“A regular Lady Chatterer!” said Jitters

Mrs. Gelt and Hunky Bellow



Pun Of Sea Czar City, Page 43

I turn on K-AOS in the morning and Ida Clair’s Java Jangle morning show is all about Holly Bridgair, the Follywood star.

“Holly tells me” Ida is saying “that she is excited because her agent told her, they casting  a couch for a new psychiatrist thriller.

Holly’s current sand and scandal at the Pompay theatre, I hear, is all about profit in the matador trade and is entitled: ‘Moses And The Bull Rushes’.”

I switched off.

I wasn’t interested.

What can you say about a girl who has a poodle named Bikini and a bathing suit called skimpy!

The Pompay




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