Monthly Archives: April 2011

Page 23

According to the Bench Press, a man and a woman entered the Moola Grande Bank yesterday afternoon, reportedly to fix a broken plastic pipe in the staff washroom but instead stuck up the bank and left without a glue. Detective Mack Tracker said the glue was purchased at Tate”s Hardware by our local flower shop. So now the thieves are being referred to as The Bandits of Sherwood Florist.
Norman and Barb Hooks, shady owners of the Notell  said that the newly checked out residents of unit #1 were an attractive young woman and a rather rude young man, so that they only referred to them as Bonnie and Clod.

Norman and Barb Hooks


Page 22

The next morning before going to visit the Notell Motel, I’m in Banter’s when Lee Z. comes in with a “She was only a wood cutter”s well endowed daughter, but when it came to logs, she certainly could buck some…Whats new Glumshoe?”
I tell Gladstone about the case I’m on and he says: “Haven”t you seen the papers? The Moola Grande Bank was hit by what they term ‘a daring daylight robbery’, I guess because the savings that were stolen were hours.”

Daring Daylight Robbery


Page 21

In the weaks that followed, Old J. Morgan gets strung along by maid Marion and, in the shadows, her secret beau, Robin Archer. When the maid suddenly ups and quits, it’s with a fortune in jewels and a fryer from the kitchen.
It is roomered that they may be staying at the Notell Motel in the dirty part of Sea Czar City known as Grime Alley.

The Notell Motel


Page 20

Meanwhile I’m getting the lay of old J. Morgan Gelt. Seems he likes to pinch more than pennies and is quite accustomed to the roll of filthy looker. He is a dessert fan who likes his trifles both upstairs and down and currently, what shocks his socks is the maid, Marion Hood.
Well one evening when Gelt wasn’t looking under Miss Hood, she answers the door to a flower order delivered by dartless young bodkin, Robin Archer.
It was lust at first light.

Flower Delivery


Page 19

Jitters liked his goose soup as much as I, so I phoned Tureen at the Cheezy Eats for a bucket full.
Jitters was a real door into the knobs of Snob and in the hour that followed I got a pace on it’s novel short story. I heard again how hip Paulita Archer shot her beau, Benchmark, through his part and how her brother, Robin, tore a pink slip, due to his quiver, from Wentoff Implosives, the dynamite factory. So he gets a job delivering flowers for Sherwood Florist.

Dynamite Job


Page 18

I was right at the part where Master Accountant, Newton Peevie”s typist, Mary N. Dowd, became the secretarial pool’s breast stroke champion, when a shadow came over my page.
“Mr. Hatrack?”
I looked up to see a bird dressed like a penguin rattling my desk.
“I’m Jitters.” he said
“I can see that, pal.”
“No, Jitters, the butler. I work for J. Morgan Gelt on Snob Hill and he has a problem.”

Jitters the Butler


Page 17

When I arrived at my office, Helen Wheels headed out the door, saying that there was a sale on at Clothes Nine To Five,,,:”One Purse Per 8 Sweaters”.
I’ve never understood this thing about women’s clothing. Like my randy granddad says: “Wearing a corset is just a waist on most women.”

The Clothes Nine To Five and Captain Crook's Real Steal Estate Building

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